Let’s face it, it can be hard to know what we really want.
I’ve had way too many women burst into tears when I’ve asked them that exact question.
“What do you want?”
Whether it’s life purpose questions, what they want to do at the weekend, or even what movie they want to watch.
They’re so used to prioritising the needs of others; children, partners, parents, co-workers, friends…. they’ve become disconnected from what they really want.
Their desires silenced under the noise of judgements, ‘should’s’, and expectations.
Not wanting to let other people down, wanting to be seen as a ‘good’ person, not wanting to be seen as selfish, the list goes on and on as to why people get disconnected from hearing their inner wisdom and desires.
The noise, overwhelm, and mixed messages that women receive can create inner turmoil and confusion. Be confident, but not too confident, be clever, but not too clever, be powerful, but not too powerful, be sexual, but not too sexual…
Playing small to keep other people comfortable. Not speaking up in case it upsets or offends someone. Not asking for what you need in case it inconveniences others.
So instead of trusting her inner desires, or hearing her inner wisdom, she can barely hear their messages. She gets busy contorting herself to meet other people’s expectations and desires.
As she gets busier, her inner voice gets quieter, until it’s a distant memory, a slight twinge of knowing that’s easy to ignore.
In quiet moments, she knows something doesn’t feel right, but rather than ask herself what she really needs, she doesn’t have time, and certainly doesn’t want to explore how much she’s betrayed herself and turned her back on her needs, instead, she takes on more responsibility and numbs the pain with her crutch of choice; scrolling through social media, gossip, shopping, food or ‘wine o’clock’.
Under this weight of expectations and judgements it can be hard to choose what you want, over what you feel you should do to fit in or please others.
There’s no doubt that sometimes it can feel easier to ignore that intuitive nudge, and that quiet inner knowing, rather than speak up or ‘rock the boat’.
It’s easy for the mind to become overwhelmed with information.
But it’s time to try something new.
A way that prioritises you and your needs.
Because from experience, we know the other way leads to frustration, resentment, overwhelm and burnout, and that’s no fun for anyone!
Instead, it’s time to start to reconnect with awe and wonder.
With opportunities and possibility.
Instead of trying to think your way through a situation, start to feel it.
Let the openness of curiosity lead you to where you want to be.
Place your hand over your heart and ask yourself:
“What do I want?”
Not what you think you should want, or what other people want for you, but what do you want?
Then ask yourself:
“What do I need to do today to be fulfilled?”
Ask yourself these questions everyday.
You may not have the answer immediately but keep asking.
Get quiet, ask the question, and become curious to the quiet whisper you hear.
Create the space for that whisper or quiet nudge to get louder, and louder, until you’re clear what voice is yours, and what voices are the external expectations and desires of other people.
This process is important as of course you’re asking a question to get an answer.
But it’s also important because you’re giving yourself a moment of sacred pause, a moment to turn inwards and actually ask yourself what you want and need.
You’re taking a moment to cut through the noise and listen to yourself.
A moment to connect with yourself to hear your inner wisdom.
A moment to help you make better choices, that are aligned with what you actually want and desire.
And if that fails, toss a coin.
Years ago, I was on a training and the teacher said that when she can’t decide what to do, she tosses a coin.
I was surprised, I didn’t have her down as someone who would leave decisions up to chance in such a way.
She then went on to explain…
She doesn’t ‘do’ what she assigned to the coin’s ‘heads’ or ‘tails’, but she uses it to watch her immediate response, her intuitive wisdom.
She might not initially know what she wants, but as soon as the coin ‘tells’ her what to do, she immediately feels relief at a ‘yes’ because that’s what she wants to do.
Or a resistance to the coin’s answer, in that case she knows that she wants the other option.
She used the coin to help her bypass her mind and get clear on what she really wanted.
If you want to cut out the noise and reconnect to your inner wisdom, so that you can make better choices in life click here to learn how>>
Have you ever walked into a room and just known that something wasn’t right?
No-one said anything, nothing looked obviously out of place… but you just knew?
Maybe you left the room, made your excuses to leave or kept your guard up?
Either way, you trusted that little voice or feeling.
Perhaps when you’re talking to a friend or member of your family, you get a feeling that something’s not right? Maybe the story they’re sharing or the situation feels ‘off’ to you?
But instead of trusting this (same) feeling, you override this inner-knowing with logic or justifications, or just plain ignore it.
Then there’s that voice that tells you that you’ve done something wrong (again), that you’re (still) not good enough or that you don’t deserve what you desire (and never will).
Why do you choose to listen to some types of information and not others?
And more importantly, how do you know which information you should listen to?
The first two examples are your intuition communicating with you.
The third example is your inner critic.
So, what is intuition?
Your intuition is your immediate, often unexplained, understanding of something.
It usually comes as a moment of clarity or a deep knowing about something that you couldn’t logically know or explain.
What is your inner critic?
Your inner critic is your fears disguised as good intentions or your ‘truth’. However, these messages are based in fear and want to prevent you from moving forward and making change.
The difference between intuition and your inner critic
We’re going to look at intuition today, but the key thing to remember is that your intuition will NEVER say anything negative about you or someone else. It will also never encourage you to harm yourself or others in any way (physically, emotionally or mentally).
If you hear anything negative or that sounds like you’re being ‘told off’, that’s your inner critic trying to stop your growth. And you don’t have to listen to it.
A few years ago, I interviewed Becky Walsh and I loved what she had to say about intuition.
She said that we have two types of intuition: heart intuition, and gut intuition.
Heart intuition pulls us forward.
It shows us what’s aligned for us to be doing. Perhaps you feel it when you know it’s time to change jobs, start a new career or leave a relationship.
Gut intuition moves us ‘back’
It moves us away from dancger.
You meet someone who just feels ‘off’, or you get a sensation not to walkdown a certain road. That’s your gut intuition keeping you safe.
Often, if we’re not overly invested in the situation, we can recognise our intuitive message quickly and act accordingly. We remove ourselves from a situation, choose a different route or choose not to becomes friends with certain people we’ve just met.
It becomes trickier to interpret these messages when we’re more heavily invested in the outcome. For example, it might involve people we care about or the life choices we have to make for ourselves.
It’s easy for us to talk ourselves out of our intuitive insight.
Our intuitive insight -that moment of clarity – comes in fast, and may only last for a second or two.
And yet in that moment, we’re certain in our choice or experience.
Then, almost as quickly, the noise returns.
We’re so used to thinking things through and looking at something from all angles that we don’t trust the speed and clarity of our intuition.
Intelligence, logic, and reason are essential to our experience of life, and so is our intuition
It’s not about prioritising one over the other but being able to recognise both.
However, instead of valuing both, we try and reason with our intuition. We may ask for another sign, searching for ‘proof’ and validation of its message. We may pull the intuitive message apart so much that there’s nothing left of it.
Then we feel confused, overwhelmed and unsure if we can trust ourselves.
The thoughts and reasoning we usually rely on are based on the conditioning of our past.
The stories we believe are the judgements and expectations of our families, cultures, and society at large.
Those beliefs may not be true for you, yet you try and contort yourself to conform to their shape and expectations. It’s what you’ve been taught to do.
Getting caught up in trying to please other people, trying to fit in or living in accordance with other people’s values, disconnects from our own inner-knowing.
These judgements and expectations become louder than our own inner guidance.
We end up not listening to our intuition. Instead we override it and make poor decisions. We stay in jobs and relationships that we’ve outgrown. We turn a blind eye to behaviours that go against our own standards. We make excuses for people.
Your intuition is that quiet voice that speaks to you and you just know it to be true. Maybe it’s a whisper, a feeling pulling you forward or the quiet voice encouraging you to make the changes you desire or telling you to try again.
When you’re not sure what to do next, or feeling lost, confused or overwhelmed, take a moment to get quiet. Place your hand over your heart and just feel into and listen to that quiet voice inside – not the external noise telling you what to do, but the quiet, calm voice of inner-knowing.
Tune in and then follow what feels best for you. Don’t seek external validation or want other people to understand your choices.
Listen for your intuition and learn to trust yourself again
Do you need some help shutting out the noise so that you can hear your intuition?
If so, I’ve created a quick and easy practice that you can incorporate into your day to help you reconnect to your intuition and make the choices that are right for you.
Click here to learn more >>