“I knew this would happen. I just had a feeling when I meet him, but he seemed okay so I just ignored it”.
These were the words I’d heard too many times before.
When Rachel* met Simon* she felt something wasn’t right, but couldn’t put her finger on it.
Everyone else seemed to think he was lovely; so charming and funny, that she squashed her own intuition, assuming not everyone else could be wrong.
It must be her.
Perhaps she was tired or being too quick to judge, he was being very attentive and charming…
Yet here they were, a month later, and her best friend in tears at the way Simon had treated her.
Rachel now kicking herself because somehow, she knew he was trouble, but she didn’t believe in herself enough to say anything. Of course, her friend would still make her own decisions, but still… she regretted not saying anything at the time.
How many times have you found yourself in similar situations?
After the event, the heartache, the disappointment, wishing you had trusted those first impressions, that initial feeling, knowing you’d already intuitively known this was the likely outcome.
How many times have you said (or thought to yourself) those awful words: “I knew this was going to happen, I just had a feeling”?
Your intuition had given you the information you needed, and you’d ignored it.
You know that listening to your intuition can save you much pain and heartache, and yet why is it so tricky to trust it?
Listening to your intuition can help you avoid unhealthy relationships and opportunities that don’t support you.
People will always have opinions and ideas about what’s best for you, some of these will be well-intended, and some will, unfortunately, come from a place of wanting to deceive and/or control you.
It’s true, you can often tell instantly if someone’s idea is good for you or not, no matter how well-intentioned, and you intuitively know if someone does have your best interests at heart.
It’s equally true, that you can often override your intuition. In fact, for most of your life, you may have dismissed your intuition, maybe you’ve even been encouraged by others to override this inner wisdom.
Ways you can dismiss your intuition:
- You can doubt yourself by overthinking the situation and listening to the (many) opinions of others.
- Unconscious bias, assumptions, and judgements can drown out the wisdom of your intuition.
- Shoulds and expectations can have you thinking that you have to override your initial insights into a situation, so that you don’t ‘make a fuss’, disappoint others, or let them down.
- You don’t want to listen to your intuition because your desire for the opportunity/person/status is bigger than your intuitive voice.
- Previous trauma can leave you disconnected to your own experiences, leaving you not trusting yourself or your intuition.
There are many reasons why your initial thoughts or judgements about a person may be wrong.
You may take an instant dislike to someone because of your own unconscious bias, your judgements, or previous experiences that you subconsciously project on to them.
These are not helpful or trustworthy.
But there is a way to bypass these unhelpful ‘first impressions’ and reconnect to your intuition and your inner wisdom.
A way that helps you to learn to interpret your inner wisdom and untangle it from the unhelpful judgements.
How to trust your intuition when you first meet someone:
Most importantly notice what your energy does when you meet someone.
Your energy is quite different from your emotions and feelings, ask yourself;
- Does your energy expand or contract around this person?
- Does your heart intuition pull you forward towards them, or does your gut intuition back you away from them?
- Do you feel empowered or drained in their company?
- Do you feel neutral or uplifted, or drained and disempowered, after spending time with them?
- Would you feel the same if you were your best self; nourished, rested and confident, and all of your needs were taken care of?
- Do you feel seen, heard, and respected in the interaction you had with them?
- Do you feel valued in the interaction?
- Are you trying to control the situation involving them?
- Is fear or opportunity leading any potential future relationship with them (platonic or otherwise)?
- How much is your desire for the idea of them, or what they can offer, leading your thoughts?
Intuition is like any muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
Knowing if you should you trust someone when you take an instant dislike to them becomes easier the more you start to listen to and trust your intuition, in all areas of your life.
To start with you’ll need to untangle feelings, emotions, and judgements from your intuition. When you notice a feeling, emotion, or judgement, observe it.
How does it feel?
Where do you feel it?
Judgements evoke feelings and emotions.
Feelings and emotions move through you. They’re designed to bring your attention to something; often to let you know if your own behaviour, or that of others, is aligned with you, your values and your boundaries.
Feelings and emotions that you label ‘good’ mean you’re likely aligned with and on your path, leaving you with a sense of empowerment.
Feelings and emotions that you label ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘bad’ indicate you or others are dishonouring your values and boundaries, moving you away from your path and leaving you dis-empowered.
Once they’ve given you the information, they can then move on (if you let them).
Your intuition is much more grounded.
It’s a deep, inner-knowing, a quiet inner-presence, coming from within.
It doesn’t just pass through your body, it’s part of you. Your intuition becomes louder or quieter but doesn’t leave.
Your intuition doesn’t pass judgement.
It focuses purely on you.
Next time you meet someone, and you instantly dislike them, check-in with yourself, and your energy, to see if the information you’ve received is an intuitive insight.
If it is, give yourself permission to leave.
*Names have been changed for privacy