Many people I speak to at the moment feel beyond tired right now. Asking themselves ‘Why am I so tired?’
It’s the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep can’t fix, and yet we still live in hope.
It ends up being another area of our life where we can blame ourselves for not going to bed early enough, not having the right sleep routine, or not being able to stay asleep. Blaming ourselves for the fact that we feel tired, rather than looking at the bigger picture.
Or perhaps it’s easier to blame our sleep (or lack of sleep) for why we’re so tired, rather than looking at the bigger picture.
‘Goblin mode’
Today I saw an article from The Huffington Post about Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year; ‘Goblin Mode’.
And whilst initially I smirked at the name, I soon became, very Britishly cross, when I read what it meant.
“Goblin mode” has been chosen by the public as the word of 2022 (the first word ever to be decided by the public) and it seriously says a lot about how we’re all feeling.
The term means “a type of behaviour which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects ”.
Why is prioritising yourself and your need for rest seen as ‘lazy, slovenly or greedy’?
And why is ‘rejecting social norms or expectations’ associated with being a goblin?
The Oxford English Dictionary itself, describes a ‘goblin’ as:
Goblin noun
/ˈɡɒblɪn/
/ˈɡɑːblɪn/
(in stories) a small ugly creature that likes to trick people or cause trouble
We’ve been reduced to ugly tricksters for wanting to rest, retreat and catch our breath.
We’re shamed as it’s implied that we ‘cause trouble’ when we focus on stopping, rather than producing.
More like, ‘surviving and getting through the day mode’
But let’s take a moment to look at the bigger picture.
We’ve survived a pandemic, but as the world initially shut down and withdrew around us, we didn’t know if we would. Perhaps you know people that didn’t.
The world has been forever changed, although we try and go back to ‘normal’.
Currently we find ourselves living under the threat of a nuclear war, as we also try to navigate our way through a cost-of-living crisis, inflation, and a recession. All this that’s reeling on the back of so much political discord of the last few years and so many other current global issues – both humanitarian and environmental.
We’re left wondering if we can trust news sources or if we’re being baited by social media troll farms. And click bait, sensationalism and profits seeming more important than (as much as is ever possible) unbiased and balanced reporting.
Establishments that we once wanted to believe we were able to trust, have been showing us that they aren’t always as ethical as we’d like and need them to be.
We feel let down, more than ever before and don’t know where to turn.
In days gone by, people would’ve turned to their religious and spiritual leaders, but they’re also being exposed for focusing on profits rather than people.
Running on empty
We’ve been lied to, gaslit, and have been running on empty.
So all in all, I think you’re doing great!
Just to be here, getting through your day, is amazing… all considered.
You may not feel like the aspirational success you see in the magazines or billboards, or the curated feeds of your favourite accounts on social media, but when you look at what you’re living through, and the societal expectations you’re surrounded by, you’re definitely doing better than could ever be expected.
And yes, of course there are still incredible and wonderful things going on in the world, but right now give yourself some slack, you don’t need to be ‘living your best life’ all of the time.
Sometimes good enough is more than enough
Why is there such a pressure, or expectation, to be ‘living your best life’ or being our best selves, and why is that so often this version of ‘best’ associated with achieving and doing?
Can’t we just celebrate ourselves in all of our perfectly, imperfect mess?
Can’t we let good enough, be more than enough.
After all, if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.
Stop working on yourself
You’re not an endless self-help project.
There’s no perfection or finish line to get to.
You don’t need to try and work our what’s ‘wrong’ with you because you feel tired or emotional.
You’re not a ‘product’ on a production line who’s only value is in being complete/finished. Or who’s worth is measured by how much you can produce.
You’re human.
Messy, complicated, paradoxical, creative and ingenious.
Of course there are always things that we can improve upon to make our own lives more fulfilling and a little easier. And yes, a few early nights won’t do you any harm.
But don’t consume yourself with thoughts, plans and actions of how to ‘fix’ yourself feeling tired at the expense of actually living your life.
Don’t become so focused on healing, on finding the answer, on being ‘fixed’ that you miss the exquisite beauty of who you are right now.
Who you are, under all of the ‘stuff’ you think you should be, of how you think you should be feeling and how much energy you think you should have.
Accept you will always be both fabulous and flawed.
Instead of thinking you’re broken or doing something wrong, try and see if you can hold space for all of you.
All of your feelings and emotions, especially the big ones and uncomfortable ones.
Of course still get help and support, create nourishing habits that support you, but don’t wait to feel your ’best self’ until you embrace yourself and the life you want to be living.
Perhaps spend less time trying to work out what’s ‘wrong’ with you and what needs ‘fixing’ and put that energy (and more), into discovering, and becoming curious about what lights you up, what makes you feel more like yourself.
Go explore, be curious and see what unexpected parts of you, you meet.
Embrace what you need, even if it goes against what’s expected of you
Embrace your inner ‘Goblin mode’ and see it as a time to get clear on what’s important to you, and what social norms or expectations are really draining your energy.
You can’t fix all of the world’s problems, but you can start by sitting down and becoming curious about what you actually need right now.
What in your immediate and everyday life is draining your energy?
Are there boundaries that need to be established?
Conversations that need to be had?
Habits that need to be stopped or started?
Passions to be pursued?
It can sometimes feel easier to say that we don’t have time, or are too tired, rather than address the real energy drains in your life.
It’s even easier to feel exhausted when we tap into the collective overwhelm and exhaustion of the people and world around us.
But what do you need, and what can you give yourself, so that you leak less of your time, energy and resources, and therefore will naturally feel more rested (and less depleted)?
It will be more than a good night’s sleep – although that is a good place to start!
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Reclaim what you habitually give away.