Episode 75: Being true to you – how your power and magick never really leave you

Listen to the show:

We cover:

• How I wanted to go to university – and the ‘ridiculous’ reason I didn’t
• Why I trusted a random person, who I didn’t know, and ended up not following the path I wanted to in school
• And how even though I didn’t follow the initial desire of my power and magick, I ended up expressing them fully anyway
• How your power and magick is always within you and how to embrace it
• Why we deny and supress our power and magick
• And of course how to reconnect to your power and magick

References:

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to the A Pinch Magick Podcast with me, Rebecca Anuwen. If you’re listening today on the 9th of October, Happy Full Moon!

I just did a recording about this particular full moon, it’s a full moon in Aries. The important part of this was, I started talking around this idea of being true to you.

Aries is the beginning of the zodiac sign. I think about it as the baby of the zodiac signs. It’s that ram energy of being bold and courageous and its question is ‘Who am I?’

When we experience Aries in the New Moon energy, it’s the energy of, who am I becoming? What do I want for the next Zodiac year of my life? And this usually happens around April time.

When we’re in the full moon energy, it’s like shining a spotlight on you, asking you: Are you being true to yourself?

And this got me thinking today, as I want to share a story with you about being true to you.

I’m sure many of you have wondered, or spent some time wondering about:

What is it I’m here to do?

Who is that I am?

What are my skills?

How can they show up in the world?

I want to share with you that your power, that magick, that soul purpose, that ‘whatever’ it is that you want to call it, is always within you, and it will always find ways to be expressed.

When I was about nine years old, I remember at that age, I wanted to go to university. I don’t think I really knew what university was, my parents hadn’t gone to university, I didn’t know anyone that had gone to university, but I’d heard about university and I wanted to go.

I knew I wanted to go.

So that’s one piece to bear in mind. The next part of this is, you know when you’ve career counsellors at school, this is such an interesting thing for me, it happened when I was, again quite young and you’re deciding what subjects you’re going to study.

And I don’t even think this career guidance person was a teacher at my school, so she didn’t even know me.

She didn’t know who I was, but you had to put all this information into a chart thing and it printed out on that old fashioned paper, with the perforations down the edges and the green and white stripes haha, if you’re older than 40, you might know what I’m talking about…

Anyway, I really wanted to be a journalist.

I just loved writing and I wanted to be a journalist.

I can still remember this person saying, “Oh, it’s bit competitive. You probably want to think about something else.”

I was a straight ‘A’ student. If a straight ‘A’ student can’t go off and study English and become a writer or a journalist, it’s like, “Oh my goodness, who can?”

But being ‘little Rebecca’ back then, I was like, “Oh, okay, I won’t do that if it’s going to be too difficult.”

And so, I didn’t do it.

I didn’t pursue that avenue.

And then as I got older, my favourite subject was art.

I loved art.

When I did my GCSE’s (again showing my age), the only grade I cared about was my grade for art. I loved it.

My teacher was amazing, and I just love that form of expression.

Once again, I got an ‘A’ grade, and my Art teacher wanted me to go to this really, very good college that was actually quite local to us.

I didn’t apply because I couldn’t fill out the ‘about me’ page.

I didn’t feel good enough, even though I had the highest grade you could’ve got, and I couldn’t fill out the about page. I could fill out all the qualification information, these are what I do. I just couldn’t write why I should be accepted to the college.

And so, I wanted to go to university, but I couldn’t fill out the ‘about me’ page.

I wanted to follow Art as my dream, but I didn’t think I was good enough even though I was an ‘A’ grade student.

I wanted to be a journalist but I didn’t because some random person told me, “Oh, it’s a bit competitive, you shouldn’t do that,” and so I didn’t.

I went off and did my ‘A’ levels and I did what I thought I should do.

I didn’t go straight on to university, I had a year out and I actually got my degrees (I have two) as a mature student.

I completed two degrees while I was actually working.

So, I did the degree path, and I got my degrees but as a mature student, not in the traditional way.

Just the other day when I was sharing about, when I was revamping my website and everything that was changing, I was chuckling. I was writing my ‘About Me’ page, I wrote “Here I am writing an ‘About Me’ page for the entire world to have a look at and ‘little me’ couldn’t even write an about page just for one or two people at university to read.”

And then I was, “Oh, yeah, look, I wanted to be a journalist,” and I’ve written many books” (talking of which Magickal Knickers has a release date! It’s got a date, the 26th of November, that’s when that book is coming out.)

And it’s like, “Here I’m writing”. All of my work has that energy of creativity.

All of these things that ‘little me’ knew was an expression of my power and magick.

Now, ‘older me’, wiser me, is noticing that “Oh, that never goes away. It always tries to sneak through’.

And that energy of when we feel frustrated with things, particularly with where we are in life.

When we feel frustrated. When we feel just down, or angry, or annoyed with the way our life is turning out. The question I would ask you to ask is, “Where are you suppressing your life force?”

I’ve always had to be creative.

I’ve always had to write.

I’ve always had to express myself in those ways.

I’ve always had to learn, that’s why I created my own school: The Witch Academy.

I’m now a ‘teacher’. But again, I didn’t want to be a teacher. That’s probably the only thing actually that I was saying, “I’m not doing that.” That actually is my expression of a life path. 

There are two things to look out for. The things that we resist, often are our biggest teachers, but also those things that just make you feel like YOU. Those things that you know you wanted to do as a child.

And I often think about this. When we’re first born, if we’re born into a loving, nourishing environment, we know who we are. We want to sing loudly, dance wildly, wear crazy combinations of clothes, or wear no clothes.

When we’re very tiny if we’re hungry we cry, if we want to cuddle we cry.

We just know how to get our needs met.

And over time it drips, drips, drips very, very slowly that we barely even notice, we learn how to behave in the world in a way that gets us the love, the nourishment, the recognition that we so deeply crave.

That might start as becoming a little bit quieter, not wearing quite so wild clothes and toning them down.

It might look like changing your career path because someone says, “Oh, that’s very competitive, perhaps you shouldn’t do that.” 

And where over the years, starting from childhood, did you learn who you had to become to be loved, to be accepted, to have that level of connection, to get the accolades that you wanted, were you celebrated (and I wish this was true for everyone, but I know that it is not)?

Were you celebrated for being the brightest, boldest expression of you, or were you celebrated for being who someone else wanted you to be? 

Now that might be being quiet, when you’re thinking about children maybe it was for being quiet. Maybe it was for being academic. Maybe it was for looking after others, looking after your baby brothers and sisters, making a cup of tea for someone.

It starts really small, and it seems quite sweet to start with that, “Huh, look at them looking after whatever and tidying up after themselves.” 

Now, some of those things are skills that we want people to have, but when did it start becoming your identity?

When did it start becoming part of who you are, and how do you receive your recognition in the world?

So how different is it, from who it is you wanted to be when you were that wild bold courageous child that just knew how to get their own needs met?

Now, of course, some of those needs have changed as you’ve got older, but that fundamental magick and power within you haven’t.

It will come out in different ways.

So I didn’t become a journalist but I did become a writer.

I didn’t become an artist but I’ve become a creative.

A friend of mine, she’s always saying, “oh, updating your website again are you, Rebecca? Oh, creating something new, are you? Oh, when’s the next book out? When’s the next Oracle deck out? When’s the next journal out?”

I can’t not create something.

It might not look like art that you hang on a wall, but for me, it’s that same energy of creative expression. 

What were your things that you wanted to do as a child?

And hopefully, you did them.

But maybe they evolved into something different.

Perhaps they became a different expression in the way that you showed up in the world. Perhaps, you’re still suppressing them.

Perhaps, you don’t even notice that you’re doing them.

It’s like someone in our community, she has been a nurse, which is a very prestigious space holding, nourishing, very formal, very organized space to be. It doesn’t surprise me at all that her gifts as an intuitive want to come through as card reading.

And it’s like, well, of course, because you’re still holding phenomenal space for someone to heal. You’re still holding that incredible space for someone to come back to their own essence to discover who they are. You’re still providing healing solutions for people. 

So whilst it might not look like being a nurse on the outside, it still has the core values of holding space for people, helping people, nourishing people, nurturing people, getting them on their own path, getting them on that path to healing. 

It’s not about being like mine, mine was quite literal, I want to write, now I write. It’s just in a different format.

Sometimes those core values of expression show up in very different external expressions, but the core value is still the same.

I often see this with people when they start new businesses that they say “Oh, I’m doing something completely different.” But actually, when we look at it, the fundamental skills and the way they see the world is exactly the same.

They’ve had 20, 30 years of managing an office or managing a team or whatever it may be. And now they’re expressing it differently because it’s like a new career, a new “job.” They think they’re starting from scratch.

Then go, “You’re joking, look at all these decades of experience you’re bringing with you.” Being organized or managing data, or managing people or managing relationships, or whatever it may be. All of it is there. That power and magick is still expressing itself in the way that it needs to be expressed. Just the facade is very different. Now maybe it feels more aligned.

Where in your life right now is your power or magick wanting to be expressed?

Like I say, this is that full moon energy, but we can do this any time of the month, any time of the year. Right now it’s particularly potent as we’re recording this, because that full moon energy is like a spotlight on you, shining a light on you saying, “Well then, are you being true to yourself?

Are your needs being met?

Where do you need to bring in better boundaries so that your time, your energy and your resources are being spent in places that are aligned and the right place for you? 

Rather than, the question of; ‘where are you conforming right now?’

‘Where are you conforming at the detriment of you?’

Of course, sometimes we have to play the game, we have to conform, we have to follow the rules for whatever reasons, but it should be by conscious choice. It shouldn’t be because it’s expected. 

So right now, where are you dimming your light?

Where are you ignoring your needs?

Where aren’t you expressing your full power and magick?

Because this is that demand for you right now.

As I said, those dreams, those desires we have as a young child, when we were wild and bold and courageous, and that might have only lasted for a little while.

I was painfully shy as a child, but I do have photos of me going “Oh yeah, I did have that courage and boldness in me once,” and then over time drip, drip, drip, it got squeezed out of me. It got squashed away. It got hidden. It got buried under the piles of should’s and expectations and managing my own environment, etcetera, as I’m sure many of you relate to.

And then, as we grow older, we stay buried under all of that.

That power and magick are always trying to crack through, always trying to nudge you in the right direction.

It’s always trying to express who you are because it is who you are.

It’s that thing of, “Oh, I want to do this.” And it’s like you don’t do you, you already are you.

It’s a case of remembering. It’s a case of being.

It’s not a case of, “I’ve got to do the work. I’ve got to find out who I’m?” 

You already know who you are. It’s a case of letting it be. It’s a case of following the breadcrumbs. Letting it shine through, letting those cracks sneak up and go, “Oh, that’s curious. I want to follow that bit of curiosity”. It’s letting that breakthrough, that is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself because once you have that glimpse … I said this before actually, once you’ve had that glimpse, you can’t unknow it. It’s like there’s nothing more powerful than truth. 

I know some people are going to argue with me and they’ll say “Oh, love is the most powerful force.” And I’ll say, “No, it’s Truth. It’s truth because once you have truth, there is no hiding. There is no escaping. It simply cuts through everything and opens your eyes. And it’s like, “Oh,” and you’ll feel it. It might only be a split moment. It might just be a flash of inspiration that’s very easy to dismiss. But when we hear truth, when we feel truth, when we know truth, something shifts and it ripples.

We cannot unknow truth. 

Once you accept that, “oh yeah, this is who I am. This is how I have to express myself in the world”. It’s just who you are, then you realise that it’s not something that you have to work really hard at. You might have to work hard at busting through those limiting beliefs and prioritising yourself. But that inner knowing, that being, “oh, that’s who I am.”

I still struggle with this. I don’t consider myself an author even though I’ve written quite a few books. I don’t know why. I don’t know whether that’s a self-issue, or whether it’s just because I just consider myself super creative in all areas and I wouldn’t want to limit myself to just the title of author. But it’s just something I’m working on.

So where is it for you?

It doesn’t have to be about naming and claiming something.

You don’t have to be “Oh, yes, I’m an author. That’s who I am.”

That’s just one part of you.

You’re so many other things but inside that power and magick are “Oh, yeah.” How it needs to be expressed is through communication, through writing, through creations, through art, through holding space for people, through nourishing people, through nurturing people, through all of the things.

How does your power and magick want to show up?

That’s the only important thing. Notice, particularly under this full moon, in life in general, those areas where you feel frustrated.

Those areas where you feel ‘less than’.

Those areas where you feel yourself comparing yourself with other people.

Those areas where you feel jealous of other people.

Just notice, what’s really going on behind the scenes because it’ll be where you’re suppressing your power and magick.

You’ll see it activated outside of yourself and there’ll be that inner knowing – jealousy is a really good thing for this actually, you’ll see someone doing something, and you’ll feel jealous.

We know jealousy isn’t a very helpful emotion, especially if it festers, it can become quite nasty. If you notice yourself feeling jealous, just stop and say “What is it they have, that I want for myself? And sometimes it’s quite obvious, but it’s that question of you’re seeing someone do something that you have the potential do, but you haven’t said, ‘yes’ to it yet. So think about that.

When you see someone, that maybe you’re feeling jealous of, that maybe even looks feeling resentful. When you’re feeling jealous of someone, just ask yourself: “What is it that they’re expressing, that’s within me, that I haven’t claimed yet?”

Because that’s the other thing, sometimes we’re afraid to claim something for ourselves, and often once again that goes back to not wanting to feel selfish, and not knowing how to prioritise yourself in a healthy, nourishing, fulfilling way without you being super selfish.

Where are you suppressing that energy right now?

Where is it showing up as frustration?

Where is it showing up as feeling; “I should be further along my path right now.” Or, “I should be here?” Or, “this should’ve happened by now”. “I can’t believe I’m still going through this pattern” and it’s like ‘Yes’, because where aren’t you expressing your full power and magick?

Go back to the things that you love to do as a child.

What were those things that you love to express freely?

What were those things when you were in school, in college, any kind of education where you go, “Oh, yeah. This is my next step.” 

Did you take it? You might have taken it and it didn’t turn out the way that you thought it would. Then ask yourself, “Was that your real desire? Or was that, again, what someone else expected you to do? 

Now, had I become a journalist, I’m not sure now that looking at the world of journalism today that’s the place I really would want to be.

Do I love writing my own books on power and magick and trusting yourself, and all of those things? Absolutely.

Sometimes things aren’t realised because actually, maybe the universe knows better. And many, many years later I’m like ‘yeah, this is brilliant. Look at me doing all these things.’ Sometimes there are things to be learnt in any way that we choose to walk our path. It doesn’t always have to make sense in that moment.

Sometimes times brings clarity. And if you’re impatient like me, that’s the most frustrating thing in the world because am like, ‘I want to understand it now’. ‘Why didn’t this happen?’ ‘This is what I wanted?’

But maybe days, weeks, months, sometimes even years, we look back and we’re like, “Oh, thank goodness that opportunity didn’t happen because now I’m exactly where I wanted to be”.

But what I would ask right now for you is, I’m just going to leave you with this question:

Are you being true to you?

Do you know what that looks like? Do you know what that feels like? Do you know how to be true to you?

Because that is the energy right now. And as I said, I just wanted to hop on and share, to take this moment to recognise you.

What are those things that make you, you?

Like I said, being me, I squashed it, I squashed it, I suppressed it, hid from it, I tried to do the things I thought I should do. The things that some random person told me that I should follow in life.

It weaved, it bobbed, it ducked, it dived, it ended up all over the place. But when I look back, that core desire of writing, of creativity and of expression has always been with me in different guises. It’s just taken me this long for it to be really obvious and for me to go “Oh, yeah, look at all the things I did do.” 

I might not have done it a traditional way.

I might not have done it the way I thought it was going to work. But I still did it anyway.

That power and magick within me can’t be suppressed, otherwise, I would feel miserable. I would be a shell of myself.

I can’t not be who I am, just like you can’t not be who you are, without there being consequences. 

When I first worked in my practice as a kinesiologist, I very quickly realised, even 20 years ago before it was a mainstream thing, that most people that came to see me, they wanted the cause of their issues to be a physical thing, but it wasn’t. It was that they were suppressing their power and magick.

They were being who they thought they should be.

They were following the rules of society instead of expressing their power and magick.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to rip your whole world apart and quit everything and change everything… unless that honestly feels aligned for you to do so.

; who you are, who you were born to be, what your skills are.

Like I said, I’ll leave you with that question. ARE YOU BEING TRUE TO YOU? If not, how could you honour that part of you more? 

Come over into our community and let me know… who you are.

What are those dreams you had when you were younger, and how have they shown up today? What are those dreams you had when you were younger, and you have no idea how to express them today? 

Come over into our community and I’ll find the patterns for you. One thing I do love is finding a pattern.

And a little PS. after last week’s episode I was talking about charm casting, thank you to all the people who came over and asked for a free reading. If you want to know anything about charm casting, there’re loads of readings for you to have a look at, and see how I used charm casting, again one of my superpowers, finding the patterns. It’s something else I can’t not do.  I always remember in art, one of the reasons I loved art so much is because the symbology that I would put into my art, everything, from the shape of a person, how they were standing, the colours I would use, the situations I would put people in, it was like everything had meaning and symbolism to me. And whilst I might not be painting like that, I am still creatin, I’m still finding the patterns, I’m still absolutely obsessed with symbolism.

Thank you to all those people that came and played. I’m still working through all the requests so if I haven’t done yours yet, it is on the way.

And if you haven’t listened to last week’s episode and you want a free charm casting reading go and listen to last week’s episode and it’ll tell you how to get readings because like I say, I love doing them. Thank you for playing along.

Go and be more you, and I’ll speak to you again very soon.