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On today’s episode of the Pinch of Magick podcast the heatwave here in the UK inspired me to remind you to be like the sun and shine brightly!
Shine even if other people are blinded and uncomfortable by your brilliance (just remind them to wear their sunglasses around you! 😉 )
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Hello, and welcome to the Pinch Magick Podcast with me, Rebecca Anuwen.
So please indulge me for a moment in my Britishness. Let me just talk about the weather, but I promise it does have relevance.
So right now, in the UK, we are in the middle of a heat wave. I think that’s the only way to describe it.
I don’t like heat.
If you’ve ever seen how I look, I’m very, very pale. I have quite red hair. I used to before it started going silver and I have freckles.
And to be quite honest, if it wasn’t for my freckles, I would be very… I always used to joke actually that I’d be Scottish or be very blue.
But actually, when I’ve had my ancestry done, I am more Scottish than I am English, but anyway, that’s besides the point… you now have a little bit of insight into my life there.
So anyway, I don’t do heat very well.
I grew up in Cornwall and I lived in a seaside town and my friends could sunbathe all day in the hot weather.
I could sunbathe for about maybe two minutes and then I’d get hot and bothered.
I’m just not designed for heat.
I was thinking about the podcast today and I love an analogy and I’ve shared it on the podcast before, but I’m devoting a whole podcast episode, for it today, which is to ‘shine brightly’.
I had this thought yesterday before, like the peak of the sun hit and I was like, ‘oh, I’m going to talk about ‘shine brightly’, even if it makes other people uncomfortable’.
Then one of the clients that I saw today, one of my one-to-one clients today, she said, “Oh Rebecca, I still remember what you told me back in December, and it was to shine brightly.”
And I was like, “Yes, we definitely need a reminder.”
So it’s very, very easy in life to dim your light, to be concerned about what others may think, to prioritise the comfort of other people over your own.
Particularly, I see this in women who come to work with me, who are mothers, who have rightly so, when your childhood, I often say this to my little boy. “When you were first born, you couldn’t do anything. You couldn’t even roll over.” So when our children are little, absolutely they need our time, energy and attention.
And then life happens, and they grow up and they still have our time, attention, and energy, and planning, and play dates, and school and after-school clubs.
Then maybe there are ageing parents and there are friendships and there are romances and, and, and…
We do all of these things, and we have all of these relationships to manage and all of these responsibilities to be responsible for, that sometimes, often along the way, in fact, you don’t have to have the children.
It’s like, we all have those responsibilities, whether it’s at work, like I say, in romances, with your own parents, with your siblings.
There’ll be something around you that is asking for your attention and it’s very easy to lose our sense of self.
Not always, but we lose part of ourselves.
And then when we have time, energy and resources, we start thinking, “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to do this?”
And we might want to start to change. But when we change, that makes other people around us feel very uncomfortable because maybe they don’t want you to change because they like you the way they are.
They like their life the way that it is.
And they don’t want to have that change ‘forced upon them’. Perhaps you changing or starting to change something in your life, reminds them that they too could also change. And maybe they don’t want to change.
Maybe they can’t change and then they feel maybe jealous or resentful about it.
I remember once, it was a long, long time ago. My goodness, it must be like 20 years ago actually, and it was very hot. I was in a pub with someone and they said, “What do you want to drink?”
And I said, “Can I just get water? Because it was really, really hot and I wasn’t drinking alcohol at the time. They just said to me, it was my friend’s brother. They went, “You make me feel like an alcoholic.”
And I was like, “Oh my gosh, I only asked for a drink of water.” And I was like, “Gosh, who has the problem there?”
I had just innocently asked for a drink of water because it was very, very hot where I was. They suddenly accused me of making them feel like an alcoholic because we were in a pub and I was drinking water.
It wasn’t until afterward I was like, “Ah, I think there’s a bit of an issue there.”
And spending more time with them, it became a little bit more obvious that perhaps the issue was with them.
But me choosing to drink water in a pub, they were running the story that if you were in a pub, you had to have an alcoholic drink, you couldn’t possibly ask for a drink of water. So I made them feel uncomfortable.
Of course, I still drank my water. I was thirsty and it was hot.
Sometimes our choices reflect to other people what’s going on in their life and sometimes they just don’t want us to change.
And sometimes social conditioning tells us that, I love this actually, I collected a load of phrases once, I wish I could remember all of them.
In the UK we have, ‘Don’t get too big for your boots.
In Ireland, it’s like ‘Don’t get above your station’.
In America, it’s ‘Don’t get too big for your britches’.
In Australia and New Zealand, it’s ‘Tall poppy syndrome’.
In France, it’s something about swollen ankles.
There are so many cool phrases like this. I say, cool, interesting phrases like this, all designed to keep people in their place.
Now in days gone by that would’ve kept you safe. It would’ve kept you in community.
In times where being in a community meant the matter of life or death. And so those stories have stayed with us and it’s turned from survival into control and people still play out these patterns.
Quite often when you join a group, a work group, family and friends, subconsciously often the question is “Who do I need to be, to be loved in this situation?” “Or, who do I need to be, to be accepted in this situation?”
And so the idea of becoming full of ourselves, as I love to say, makes people feel really uncomfortable because being full and confident…
If we haven’t been full or confident in our life, we are concerned that we’re coming across as conceited or selfish in an unhealthy way.
And so what this has to do with the weather is that I believe that everybody has the same soul path in the world.
It may get expressed in very different ways, but everyone’s soul path is to live the most fully expressed version of themselves.
Now I know for me and for many other people when you get this idea of soul path, people often, (I know I certainly did) they go looking for a soul path, but what they’re actually doing is looking for a job description.
And I remember when I first came across the term ‘Priestess’, I was like, ‘oh my goodness. That’s exactly what I’m here to do’.
And of course, it wasn’t, it was just one path of how I expressed myself, but we can look for it like a job title.
When I suddenly realised I was like, “Oh, but what if we’re just here to be our fully expression version of ourselves?” Everything suddenly came together.
And I think about this with the sunshine.
As I said at the beginning, I’m not a huge fan of the sunshine. I love looking at it. If I lived in an air-conditioned house with nice, cool stone floors, it would be a dream.
I could just hide from the sun all day long and just look at it out the window and just feel like a nice temperature instead of like a raging molten mess which is how I feel right now.
But the thing is, the sun is just being the sun.
It’s not doing anything wrong.
It is being its fully expressed self.
You can imagine when I was growing up in Cornwall, if I was shouting at the sun, getting a bucket of seawater and throwing it at the sun and telling it to calm down, you’re making me feel uncomfortable. ‘Turn your light down. You’re hurting me’. People would think I had gone bonkers, people would be like, “Rebecca chill, what the hell’s going on?”
So instead what I do is:
I avoid the midday heat.
I drink plenty of water.
I put on my factor 50 sun cream and I can still burn… It’s pretty impressive actually.
Sunglasses, hats whatever it is I need to do, but it’s my responsibility to make myself feel comfortable in the presence of the sun.
It is not for me to tell the sun to tone itself down.
And I want you to remember the same is true for you.
If somebody else feels uncomfortable by your choices, by you expressing the fullness of yourself in your most authentic, genuine way, it is not for you to make them feel comfortable.
You cannot possibly make everybody around you feel comfortable.
You will be exhausted.
What you do is you tell them to put on their sunglasses and you carry on shining.
So I want you to really receive that message that your job here (even though I said, we’re not looking for a job but we’re not) but it’s like your role on earth, I believe, and working with thousands of clients, is to show up in the most fully expressed version of yourself.
Will it make other people feel uncomfortable?
Because some people just don’t like change. They benefit from you behaving a particular way around them.
They like you behaving a particular way around them. They get scared they might lose you, whatever it is, but that’s really on them.
That’s not on you.
Of course, if that relationship is important to you, you have those conversations, you tell them the journey you’re on.
You tell them the path that you’re on.
You tell them about expressing yourself and your dreams.
And if they are true friends, they will celebrate that with you. They won’t try and hold that back…
Oh my goodness. What time is it? It’s like nine o’clock at night and it’s still like high twenties over here, which, you know, I know is very, very common for many of my friends in Australia and other countries, but it is just not that common for us…
It’s like I could get annoyed at the sun, but it’s for me to try different ways to keep cool, including sleeping under a damp towel. Yes. That’s how hot it has been.
But the sun is just being the sun.
I can’t be mad at it.
It’s my responsibility to look after myself, to stay inside, to drink all my water, to get my little fans going and my air conditioning unit going.
So where in your life right now are you toning down because somebody is shouting at your sunshine, shouting at your power, your magic that you are sharing in the world?
Because it’s not for you to tone that down.
Now of course, sometimes you might want to turn the volume down when it suits you, but you are not dimming your light for anyone else just because they feel uncomfortable.
Now, sometimes again, you might want to turn that volume down but do it because you have chosen to.
Do it because it’s the right thing for you to do and not because you feel blamed or shamed by somebody else.
If there’s a situation in your life where you feel like you constantly have to be turned down because you feel unsafe to shine your brightest, then I urge you to get support to help you navigate safely for yourself.
So of course, I’m not talking about putting yourself in danger in any way whatsoever. There are people and charities and all sorts of people that can help you if you have those significant concerns.
But if it’s every day, “Oh Rebecca, they’re going to judge me if I shine my lights.”
“It’s like, well, how about you shine it?” Because when you don’t, you do yourself a disservice.
When you don’t, you are disloyal to yourself.
The problem about being disloyal to yourself is that we don’t trust disloyal people.
If I said to you, ‘oh that person over there is really disloyal’. The next words out of my mouth would probably be ‘don’t trust them’.
And if you are being disloyal to yourself, you stop trusting yourself, which means you lose connection with your intuition.
So next time you want to make a decision about something, you start not trusting yourself.
You have an intuitive hit, and instead of just going, “Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I want to do. I’m going to follow that path.”
What you do instead is go, “Oh yeah, that’s what I want to do.” And then maybe a couple of minutes, couple of days, a couple of hours later, you say, “Yeah, but do I really want to? What would they say?” Maybe, I imagined that. Perhaps that wasn’t an intuition insight”.
And so, you start to unravel that trust because you don’t trust yourself anymore.
I’ve done a whole podcast episode on power, but every time you give that power to somebody else, you dim your light that little bit more.
Every time you look for validation, that external validation from somebody else. Every time someone tells you:
“Who do you think you are, madam?
Who do you think you are to do that?
Oh my goodness. Look at you being all X, Y, and Z.”
And they try and shame you into shrinking smaller, and you do shrink smaller. You have given them your power.
When we call back all of our power, when we stand in the magnificence and the radiance of who you are, you can’t take on the judgments and expectations of other people, because you are full of your own self;
full of your own esteem,
full of your own trust,
full of your own loyalty for yourself,
full of the truth of who you are.
You get to shine in your own magnificence.
Like I say, sometimes you might want to dial it down. Just shining brightly doesn’t mean you are ‘on’ all the time, but it just means that always you are creating and connecting to that light, that brightness, that darkness within you, all of it.
The whole spectrum of self in you.
The shining bright light of radiance, which brings action.
Which lights your way forward into the darkness of the wisdom, which is your intuition and the magic, into the mysteries of the world.
You embrace all of it.
You don’t judge yourself as good or bad.
You don’t judge the light or the dark as good or bad.
You just know that those are all aspects of who you are and you just shine them all.
Sometimes vibrantly and loudly in neon pink and green colours. And sometimes, maybe more pastel and beige colours, but it’s done of your choice, not because someone else has told you that you shouldn’t do that.
So, you can thank the sunshine for today’s reminder to shine your brightest, regardless of other people celebrating you, and regardless of other people cursing you, it doesn’t matter.
Everybody will have an opinion of you and your behaviours and very little of it is actually any of your business.
So just go ahead and shine, shine, shine, and come over into our community and let me know whether you are a sun worshipper or sun hider like me.
If you do have any tips for staying cool, if you are of a warmer climate, I wouldn’t say no to those either.
Regardless, just give yourself permission to shine and notice where you hold yourself back from doing so.
So thank you for joining me and I will be back soon, hopefully feeling a little bit cooler.