Episode 69: The Elective Crone – How I brought magick to my surgery

Listen to the show:

Today’s episode of the A Pinch of Magick podcast is a little more personal, as I share how I bought magick to my decision to have a full hysterectomy a few months ago. 

I wasn’t having any pain or discomfort, but after a routine check up, my gynaecologist recommended a full hysterectomy.

At first I was outraged. 

I didn’t want to be another statistic of an unnecessary surgery.

But then I asked my body what it wanted and I was shocked . At that moment everything changed for me.

We cover:

• How I processed the decision of whether or not to have surgery
• Following my intuition and over-riding my head
• Creating sacred ritual around surgery
• The energetic debris we carry in our womb spaces (and our bodies)
• Why I think I healed so quickly
• How to bring magick to surgery you might have to undergo

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TRANSCRIPT

Hello and welcome to the A Pinch Magick Podcast with me, Rebecca Anuwen.

Today I want to talk about the magick of surgery.

I’m going to share with you an operation I had recently and how I completely transformed the entire experience by bringing magick to it. Physical magick, the magickal mind-set, the whole works.

It really was about making a conscious choice for myself.

So, if you’re a bit squeamish, you don’t want to hear about surgery. If you’re not interested about my insides and what’s been going on.

It’s going to be very much about a gynaecological issue.

I want to share this for a couple of reasons, partly because we can bring magick to surgery and to operations. Also, we need to be talking about gynaecological issues more.

It’s something that whether it’s periods, whether it’s menopause, whether it’s perimenopause, we don’t really talk about enough. So, we’re like, “Is this normal?” 

“Is this what happens to everyone else?”

For some reason, we just don’t like talking about it.

So, if that’s not your thing, come back next week.

But if you are interested, if any of those things resonate for you. If you have surgery coming up. If you think you might have surgery in the future maybe this will help you.

And also, I think sometimes there’s an idea in spiritual communities, I don’t know if that’s the right phrase, where medical interventions are often shunned upon and it’s like you should be able to solve anything with things that are ‘air quotes’, “natural”, more of a natural base. And yes, absolutely, something that’s very relevant but sometimes there are real physical issues going on that need intervention.

If we looked at Western medicine or even traditional Eastern medicine, if we looked at medicine, if we looked at surgeries – that really is magick.

The fact that someone could nearly be dying and they can be saved, is nothing short of miraculous and magick.

I often like to think of witches as the first scientists.

You have an idea, you have a hypothesis, you test it, and then you amend your findings. If that didn’t work. “Let’s try something else.”

So you might think, “Oh, someone’s got an upset stomach. I saw this cow eating this herb when it had an upset stomach. Let me try that on a person. Ops, that didn’t work. Let’s amend that and try something different.”

I think we definitely need to step away from, “Natural is best.” Yes, there’s absolutely a place for that but they should really be working in tandem with each other.

So about the end of May of this year, I had a full hysterectomy.

I feel like it was an elective surgery and I actually felt like I was going on a spa holiday. And a friend of mine even said to me, “I don’t even know you had surgery. I actually thought you were going to the spa.” Because my energy around it was just so happy to have that done. And it’s quite interesting when I look at people that have just hysterectomies. They say when you’re young and you have a hysterectomy 45 and older, and I’m like “oh my goodness. I’m 44 so I’m like really, really young to have a full hysterectomy.” 

It always makes me chuckle because when I was a child I always wanted to get older, even now as an adult. I’m like, “I love getting gray hairs. I love getting lines on my face.” I just love that whole aging process. I’ve always, always resonated with the crone energy and it’s like I’ve brought it in early for myself. 

So when I had that surgery, I want to talk to you about the process that I went through. Very short overview of it, I had the surgery, went home the next day, I haven’t had a single iota of pain. After surgery, I didn’t even take a paracetamol. The pain was non-existent. I’ll explain to you why I think that was, maybe that’s common; I don’t know. People I’ve spoken to, particularly I’ve got some friends that are like Western medical health professionals and they’re like, “That really isn’t normal.”

 And even the night nurse was like, “Keep it here just in case you need it.”

I was like, “No, I won’t.” 

She was like “Yes, but you should get ahead of the pain.”

And I was like, ‘I just know it’s not there’ and sure enough, it wasn’t.

I went home the next day. I was up and down the stairs a couple of times before I left the hospital. Home the next day, everything has healed beautifully.

But I want to take you back, this all started for me eight years ago.

So anyone into astrology, you may have heard of a Venus cycle that’s eight years long. I want you to just remember that when you’re going through something time brings clarity. So eight years ago, I gave birth to my son. I had planned to have a home birth. Here in the UK we’re very lucky we have midwives but I also employed a doula. The Dr’s are very supportive of home births. They gave me gas and air for the home. I had a birthing pool which I set up in my dining room and the midwife came around. 

I’d been in labour for about two days. And she says you need to go to the hospital his heartbeat keeps dropping.”

And I was like, “No, no, I’ll be fine.”

She’s like, you really have to go to the hospital. She said go to hospital. Check out the heartbeat then you can come back home.”

The hospital, where I live, the closest hospital is about 50 minutes away. So I went there, I didn’t take an overnight bag or anything because I fully intended to come home.

We got to the hospital, and they kept me in overnight, and whilst I was there I hadn’t realized quite how serious it was, because the nurse just stood next to my side all night long monitoring his heartbeat.

I think I went in at eight o’clock at night and she was just there all night just checking the stats, checking the stats, checking the stats. I was laying there and it was just about seven o’clock in the morning. I thought “Goodness me, day three. This really has to be the day; he has to come today.”

 And suddenly I heard all these alarms going off and I just remember thinking, “Oh, that poor person,” who is having the alarm. And then suddenly the room I was in

just swarmed with people, they got my bed, they dropped it down, whisk me off to theatre.

And I was like, “Oh, my god. The sirens were for me. What’s going on?”

I can still remember this now, like how you remember the silly things. I don’t know if she was the head nurse or something because I was in a gown. They’re like, “Cover her bottom,” because I was on my side and I was thinking “you really think I care with my bum’s hanging out right now? I really don’t.” 

So, I’m now laying in the theatre, and it was really funny. It was not funny at all, but when I look back iIt’s like my life has been the things that I resist always happen.

So I’ve always been terrified of hospitals so much so that when I went to my antenatal class and when I went and did my Hypnobirthing, they said “Alright, you should go and check out the hospital.”

I was like, “No. I’m not going to hospital. I don’t like hospitals.”

There was almost like a phobia of hospitals. I must have been 36 when I gave birth, and at that point in my life, I’d never had surgery. I’d never even had so much as a filling and I didn’t wear glasses.

I’ve never been ill, ever. Maybe I’ve an old cough or cold but nothing more serious than that. 

I’m lying there and this trainee Dr or Nurse says like, “Aren’t you the person that’s phobic of hospitals?”

And I was like, “Yes.”

And she went, “You’re doing really, really well.”

And I can just remember saying to her, “I don’t really have a choice, do I?” 

So, I was laying there, and they’ve got a cloth upfront of me and I hear a baby crying. And I’m like, “Oh, gosh, that baby is really close. Who has just given birth?”

And then they just pass me my child and I was like, “Oh, that was very quick. So, I had an emergency C-section but I was never ever in any trouble and that’s part of the story. I had an emergency surgery, but I wouldn’t really call it an ‘emergency’ because I was in the right place, with the right teams around me at that time. As it turns out my little boy was just being a mischief and wasn’t in any danger at all.

So looking back what had happened was, they had turned me onto my side and his heartbeat had dropped. When they had put me on my back and got me into the theatre, his heartbeat regulated again. I was already at 9cm dilated, you get to 10cm and that’s when you’re giving birth. So, when I was laying on my back, basically, they prep me for surgery, they just went through with it and I had a child.

For a few short moments I felt very cheated of the whole powerful birthing process, but to be honest I was just so happy to have my little boy, strong, healthy, and everything else, it was great.

I remember them going, “so are you going to put your nighty on then?”

And I’m like, “What nighty?”

And they were like, “Where is your overnight bag?”

And I’m like, “I don’t have one with me. I only came in to have his heartbeat checked. I had no intention of staying.”

So my partner had to go across the road, luckily there was a supermarket, and he had to go and buy me a nighty.

I was in the hospital again for a day. I was in the hospital for one night and I sneaked home the next day. 

So, again emergency operation, home very quickly, recover very well.

Four years later, I then do Miranda’s Grays Moon Mother training, which is all about healing the energetic womb space, the womb space working with the energy. Brilliant training. I love her training. She is just a phenomenal lady.

One of the ladies that was hosting her, she had organized the training, she said when she had done all this womb work, she had then loads of trouble with fibroids and other gynaecological problems. 

I remember thinking, “Isn’t that a shame with all this womb healing, and then you have all that womb trouble. Surely the womb healing should’ve helped?”

How judgmental and naive I was!?

Anyway, about a year later I had some issues. I went down to the doctors and they said, “Oh, you’ve got a cyst on your left ovary.” But they said it’s small enough, it won’t be any problem, but we can get it removed.”

And I was like “no, thank you. It’s not causing me any trouble. It’s fine.”

A year and a day later, I didn’t know it was a year and a day later, it’s only when I checked my diary it was a year and a day, and if you know anything about magick, a day and a year is a very powerful initiation time. My second apprenticeship time. I ended up in A&E, the first time I ever went to A&E.

I went in there again just expecting them to do a little scan and send me home on my way; but no. It was a Saturday, I went in for a little scan and they didn’t let me go home, and where I live they only do surgeries on a Tuesday and a Thursday. So once again I find myself in an “emergency situation” but not so much of an emergency, they had to operate the same day.

They gave me the choice to operate the same day. But I say, “No, it’s fine, I’ll wait for full staff and everything else. I was fine, I was in hospital. I was in the best place I could be.” They operated on the Tuesday and I’ve had an ovarian cyst that had grown to 21 centimetres.

Now, during that time I’ve done the Moon Mother training and then I was working with a friend and we were doing some work on the land with dragon energy and yew trees.

We did a workshop called ‘Waking the Dragon’ and we had gone to this church in Wales. There were seven or eight yew trees in that church and we had really cleared the energy for the dragons, to bring back the energy again. Then low and behold, there I find myself in hospital basically giving birth to a dragon’s egg.

It really was an incredible cyst, and they removed it whole. One of the doctor’s, she was so excited to show me, she said, “Do you want to see a picture of it?”

And I was like, “of course, I want to see a picture of this thing, of what just happened to me.”

This huge initiation.

This cyst was almost as big as my little boy when I gave birth to him.

I said, “Wow! What did you call it?”

She goes, “just look at what you’ve given birth to.”

And I said, “What did you called it?”

And she said, “Pete.”

So, of course me being me, the first thing that I do is I googled, ‘what does the name Pete represent?’ And it meant something like stone, rock.

When I first found out about this ovarian cyst, the first thing I did was go to a kinesiologist and she had said to me, “It’s your mother’s tears.”

I said, “Oh, that’s interesting.” I didn’t give it must more thought.

Anyway, when I found out that Pete meant like ‘stone’ or ‘rock’. I was like, “Ah, it’s feels like a whole lot of ancestral patterns, a whole ancestral lineage baggage being removed from me”.

And after surgery I just felt so, I guess high, obviously from the drugs, but I felt so expansive. It was incredible. I felt absolutely cracked open and like whoosh. When I went in, because I had been in there from the Saturday to the Tuesday waiting for my surgery, I had been on this ward with this other woman, and I was, again, the youngest on the women’s gynaecological ward, probably by about 30 years.

When I came out of the theatre, they wheeled me into the recovery ward and there was this woman again. She looked at me and she went, “When are you having your operation?”

I said, “I’ve just come out of surgery?”

And she couldn’t believe it because I looked so vibrant.

I felt so good.

Yes, lot of that would have been the drugs, but I just feel so good. That good feeling never left. It really did feel like I had been cracked open and it was at that point I started going, “Oh this is interesting.” Because it felt like, originally the ovarian cyst, the kinesiologist says ‘that’s your mother’s tears’.

Then the cyst being called Pete, which was like ‘stone’, and it felt like a mill stone. I was like, “Oh this is really interesting,” because it was like all of that ancestral pattern was in that cyst, and it was removed.

It was like instead of having to do years and years and years of therapy, and energy work, and healing, it’s like the surgery just removed them.

And that surgery took, well not longer to recover from, but it was because of the size of the cyst it was absolutely full abdominals scaring. I’ve got great scars all over my tummy.

That felt like a potent thing but again at the time I wasn’t really putting things together, apart from I was like, “Oh, my god. That was a year and a day later. It feels symbolic.”

I’d done all this work with the yew trees and the dragon energy, all of this ancient energy.

And then I had one of my ovaries removed.

Four years later again, like I said, it has this very clear eight years’ cycle. I had gone back to the gynaecologist again just for my routine scan. And I got called back and she said, “Oh, you’ve got abnormal cells.”

And I was like, “who doesn’t?” It didn’t faze me at all because I feel in really good health. And obviously you can be very poorly and still feel in good health. But when I feel into my body, when I scanned my body it didn’t feel like anything nefarious was going on.

So she said, “okay, we’ll keep an eye on it. Come back in, however, many months’ time.” And I did.

She wants to fit a coil, and I was like, “No thanks, don’t want that.”

She said, “Well, take these hormone tablets” and I was like, “No thanks.” I don’t want to take those either”.

She then said “you’ve to have two clear scans and then I ‘ll sign you off my books”.

The second scan came back, again, it showed abnormal cells and she wrote to me saying, “we’re going to get you in for hysterectomy.”

And I ‘m thinking, “No, not until you’ve spoken to me about this.”

I had phoned and said, “I need to talk to the surgeon before we have any operation.” And before she even got back to me, I had a letter saying, ‘you’re going in for pre-op’.

And I was like, “Can everyone just calm down right now, please? I haven’t even spoken to my surgeon about what are the options are right now?”

“Why am I having to have this surgery?

Can I wait?

What’s going on?”

So, I’ve this like, “How dare you!” kind of energy.

And it was like, “Oh, I’m just going to be another statistic, you just going to whip my womb out just for no reason.”

I had all of this, like, “How dare you energy? You just want to make me in a statistic and I ‘m not prepared to do that … blah, blah, blah”.

I got really wound up about it, which was quite interesting, as I don’t really feel like that, so I thought “Okay, pay attention, Rebecca.”

And so the surgeon confirmed, “Yes. This is the date of your surgery.”

And I was like, “No. I’m not having the surgery on that day. I’m not ruling the surgery out, but I want time to go and think about it.”

 And she was like, “Well, if there’s cancer there, we’re not going to know until we remove your womb and your remaining ovary.”

And I was like, “stop right there. Maybe I’ll let you take out my womb because I don’t want any more children. That’s fine. But I want to keep my ovary.”

She was like, “Well, you have to think about it.”

So, we delayed the surgery.

She asked, “When do you want the surgery if you were to have it?” And I said, “At least six weeks later.”

It was so fast; another letter came out explaining that I knew the risk about waiting. If there’s any issues… blah, blah blah. So once I had got over my initial, “How dare you?” energy, I then actually took some time to meditate with my own body and just felt into my body, and asked my body what it wanted?

I still didn’t have any concerns that there’s anything “wrong” in my body. Not that I know what it would feel like anyway. But I was very confident that actually my body was feeling very strong and healthy. Particularly from an energetic point of view.

When I actually asked my body, I got a real shock.

I said to my body, “Do you want to have this surgery?

And it said, “Yes.”

And I was like, “What? What do you mean you want to have this surgery?”

Then I was like, “Oh, my god! Is something wrong.”

I was like, just hang on a minute, just take it back again.

So, I just sat with my body and just, not mediated in a traditional sense but just started feeling into my body, having a dialogue with my body. And it was like, “No, I want to have this surgery.” And I was like, “oh, okay.”

See, the thing that I feel about wombs is that they’re a ‘cupboard under the stairs’. Unless we have a period, unless we’re giving birth, we don’t really use that space for anything. It’s just there.

It’s our seat of creation.

I think we’re so disconnected from our power, which is that place of creation for whatever you want to create in the world, whether it’s poetry, art, children, whatever it may be. I refer to it as ‘the cupboard under the stairs’ or that ‘kitchen draw’ … that drawer in the kitchen where you put all the menus and the little things you get from Ikea. And it just goes into that draw until it finds somewhere better to go.

And I think we do that with our womb spaces. That we have an emotional vent, we have some trauma, something happens to us and we just shove it down into that womb space, as that ‘cupboard under the stairs’ promising that we’ll get back to it. And then we very rarely do.

I’ve worked with this energy, a lot actually, and I’ve narrowed it down to eight distinct types of trauma with a little ‘t’, that we store in our womb space. From being a good girl, to like growing up, to feeling shame, for obviously any kind of abuse there is as well. But that energy of giving away our power.

There’s eight very clear phases that we go through and all of that’s stored in our womb space.

When people tell me they have PMT, or they have back pain or they have issues with that womb space, it never surprises me because one of those eight energies will be out of alignment.

When I was feeling into my womb space, it was like “Yep, get it gone.”

So suddenly that changed my relationship with this surgery, from being told that’s what I’ve to do. And feeling “No, that’s what society wants.”

To going “Oh, actually, no, this is something I want to choose because it’s feels powerful for me”. Because just like when I had the cyst removed and it removed all of that ancestral energy. It felt like the womb, having the womb removed is going to do the same thing for me.

So suddenly it completely shifted.

I already have the pre op and I had the surgery two days before the pre op expired. So had I had the surgery two days later I would have had to go for another pre op.

This time I felt like this was an elective surgery because I could have said no, of course and not had the surgery.

Of course, I could have said ‘no’, it’s my body.

The gynaecologist would have absolutely said I should have it done … that she would recommend having the surgery. But I could have said ‘no’.

But actually, I decided I was going to say ‘yes’, but I wanted to keep my one remaining ovary.

And I spoke to a friend of mine who had had a hysterectomy but she had kept her one reminding ovary and she had a real trouble trying to get any kind of hormone therapy sorted out because she still had this one ovary that was producing some kind of hormone but no one really knew what it was producing. She was finding it really hard to get the dosage of oestrogen that’s right for her.

When she was telling me her experiences of talking to different gynaecologist I was like, “That’s it. It’s all going.”

Another chat to my body and that was a decision.

And so this time, whereas the first time I had my first emergency C section, although it didn’t feel like an emergency. I went into the hospital unexpectedly.

When I had the cyst removed, again, I went into A&E, they didn’t let me go home. Yes, it was an emergency surgery but it wasn’t under the blue light energy of emergency. It was just like, they just didn’t let, me go home, I had to have the operation.

This time I was like, “Oh, brilliant.” So what I did this time is I did the ceremony for myself.

I prepared myself for surgery.

I had this conversation with my body. I done a ceremony where I thanked my womb. I thanked her for everything that she had done for me, for everything that we had created together.

I even planted a tree in garden. I was asking myself, “What tree do you want planted?” I thought maybe it would be a bush or a plant. But she wanted it to be a tree, and it’s this beautiful magnolia tree.

 It’s got these really deep red flowers on it.

They look very womb shaped when I brought it and all the flowers were very closed up and of course, by the time I’d had my surgery and I came home, the flowers had opened and bloomed and I was like, “Oh, that’s incredibly symbolic.”

I had also created a crystal grid to hold my energy when I had the surgery.

I prepared myself as much as I could physically, emotionally, spiritually, and energetically for the day of surgery because I knew when this one was going to happen.

I was so excited when I was telling the members of my community “I’m so excited. Look, I’ve got an overnight bag”. I had pyjamas packed. I have bottles of water. I had a couple of bananas. I had my iPad chargers, my phone charger. I felt like all of that was good. It really did feel like the energy of going on holiday, to have that spa treatment and then to come home again.

So I had the surgery late morning, and when I came around, the one I’d had before I felt so high. I was like, “Oh my god. I could conquer the world right now.” I felt like I’d been blasted open. This time, I felt really cantered and grounded. And I kept saying to them, “What drugs did you give me?” I said ‘they feel amazing’. I said ‘I just feel so, so peaceful’.

And the doctors are just looking at me like “Yeah, okay, just whatever they give you.”

And I said, “You don’t give me anything else?”

They said, “No.”

And I said, “Oh, okay.”

“You can have codeine or you can have these other drugs if you want for pain.” I was like No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

They were like, “whoa, you probably should have some.”

 And I’m like, “No I’m fine. I’ll just wait to see what happens.”

And then at bedtime, she came around and was like “here some paracetamol or something. You can keep it there”.

But I said, “I don’t think I need anything.”

I could just tell, my body just felt really good.

Anyway, I was up and about that night. And then the next morning I got myself up and had a shower.

Now when I had my previous surgery, I didn’t have a shower until about 36 hours after surgery. This was less than 24 and I was like having a shower, everything was working properly.

I got into bed and then my boys arrived to pick me up. So I went downstairs to see them in the car park and I walked back up.

I went home and everything was really good and everything just felt so aligned. 

Another piece of what had happened was that night, the first night I’d had surgery when I was in the hospital, I did a huge meditation/it was more of a journey, where I went in and I cleared all of the remnants of any pain or trauma that I still had in my energetic womb space, in that womb space.

And I brought in, I work with the goddess Cerridwen, and she waswith me. And together we just cleared all of the experiences that my womb had had, the whole area had had. And it was a really, really profound experience, probably a little more than I can share on the podcast.

But it went on for what seemed like hours. We were just clearing, and clearing and clearing every memory, every feeling, and emotion feeling.

It was just I knew I wasn’t going to have any pain because there was nothing for the pain to hang on to. I know from like a medical point of view, that probably sounds really crazy. But from an energetic point of view, I knew there was nothing, nothing that pain could hang on to, it just wasn’t there. It was just gone.

I was really confident that there was going to be no trouble. It just felt like it had gone from the potential of child-bearing womb space into a universal womb space.

Now when I had my little boy that’s when I wrote my first book that wasn’t a recipe book, when I wrote my first actual book and it just start a whole thing of creation.

It’s like having him, maybe even having that surgery and getting through the fears of like, “Oh my god, I never want to go to hospital.” It cracked open a portal for me, that creative portal.

When I had the ovary removed, again it cracked open a whole level of depth of connecting even deeper to that earth energy, to that dragon energy; I was technically a dragon mother by then haha. It opened up that real depth of connection.

And this time, it’s only two months into the journey. But it feels more like a universal womb and even when I’m working with people now doing the kinesiology, doing the energetic work. It feels at a whole other level, just again it’s like that portal has been open where I feel like I chose it this time.

It feels much more powerful rather than I had to have the previous ones. And they weren’t emergency so it’s almost like the universe is like, “Okay, she is not going to choose this, we’re going to have to make it happen for her.” Here we go. There it’s happened. But it wasn’t until now that when I look back. I was like wow that was an eight years’ cycle. That was a whole process.

And then if you look at my astrological chart right now you’re like, “oh, yeah, of course. Of course, that’s happening to her right now. Yeah, yeah.”

Even apart from all that, we can bring the magick into something that could be quite traumatic for our bodies, or even yourself emotionally, physically, all of it. 

So yeah, when you know that you have surgery coming up, absolutely weave in the magick.

Some people I’ve spoken to, and I get this, particularly for my little one’s birth, is that sometimes people feel like it’s a failure that they couldn’t do it themselves, but sometimes we’re not supposed to.

And I think, when I had my little boy I was like, “Oh, I didn’t…” I felt like I’d failed having the birth I wanted. But perhaps he got the birth that he wanted; that little magician that he is.

But there is something really powerful about having a situation that I could have said, ‘no’ to having the hysterectomy, but it felt really powerful to choose that because that’s what my body wanted.

Then I felt even more powerful to use the magick, to clear the energy, to let the surgery go well.

Of course, the lack of pain was probably due to the skill of my surgeon. But you know, we’ve got magick. I was creating the best magickal container for everybody involved for me, but also everyone else that was in the hospital that day, whether they were working with me or not, to hold that container.

And so yeah, it just felt right to share that today.

Maybe there’s someone out there that need to hear it.

Maybe, there’s something that you need to remember that the magick is that we do have access to surgery, to medicine but also to know that these situations where sometimes we can feel out of control, we can bring in our magick. 

We can bring in a sense of power and agency, even when we might feel like our autonomy has been taken away from us. 

Even in those moments, we can still bring in magick and I still feel fantastic.

It does feel like it has opened up a whole another level of reverence for the energy that I’ve worked with.

I would say when I’m working with clients, it feels deeper, more powerful, I feel more connected.

It’s like it’s laser beam straight in there, there’s no room for nonsense anymore. Not that it was much room for nonsense before, but it just feels, like just owning it at a deeper level.

And of course, there’s other aspects of that for me that I have resisted for a very long time, that I’m now leaning into and saying ‘yes’ to. To a much deeper level of working with people that have passed on from this realm, which has tried to happen to me many times before and I’ve always said ‘no’.

But there’s something about working with that spiritual energy now, that I’m like, “Ah, it feels like I can hold that energy better.”

So, if you have any stories you wish to share, any magickal moments. If you’ve anything coming up, and you want to even just say, “Oh my god, Rebecca. Do you think this would work if I did this ceremony for yourself?”

And the answer would always be, “Yes.”

But it is nice to do those things. So even if you sometimes might think your body has “failed you”, we can still give thanks for what it has done up until that moment.

And maybe if we can shift our perspective from, this won’t always be the case depending on our beliefs and everything else, but for me, it really did feel that when that womb was removed from me, it took away a whole load of energetic baggage and debris and hurt that I didn’t have to carry anymore.

It was a very quick and convenient way, just to go, “Okay, it’s now gone.”

And what I should say, just in case anyone is concerned for me, is that of course when they did all the tests, there was absolutely nothing wrong with my womb or my ovary. And I think “#ofcourse”. I didn’t think for one second there was. So, yes, we always have a choice. We can always bring our own magick to the situation.

So, I would love to hear your stories.

And something else I think is really important is that we do need to start talking about our bodies more, particularly a woman’s body because it’s not spoken about enough.

I remember when I first spoke to my doctor, my GP and she said “oh, any symptoms from the age of 40 could be menopause that may or perimenopause.” And it felt so dismissive.

It’s like when you’ve an achy ankle or irregular bleeding, too much bleeding, it really is this whole thing of, “Oh, yeah, it could be anything.”

There’s just so little understanding, and so the more we can talk to each other about our bodies, about our experiences, about what’s normal for you. It lets other people go “oh, yeah. Okay, I got that. I don’t need to worry.”

Or “Oh, I’ve got that too, maybe I should go get myself checked out”.

So, if this does nothing else other than start a conversation that you can have, come and have it with me, come and have it in our community or with your own friend.

This is a conversation that needs to be started. 

Usually, menopause starts at age 51, I’m 44. I’m already the crone that I knew, I was destined to be and I love the crone energy.

I just want my hair to go completely silver and I will feel super, super happy then, instead of just happy, happy, happy.

So let me know your thoughts. I hope you find this interesting, a little bit of insight into someone else’s life. And I will speak to you all again, very soon.