Welcome back to 12-days of Magickal Self-Care.
Today, day 4, I want to focus on becoming present
Yesterday we started to explore the importance of becoming present.
We talked about how to become present it was essential that you feel safe and we focused on feeling safe in your home.
Today I want to talk about being present and feeling safe in your body.
Because when we feel safe, we can be present, present in our body. Present to our own needs.
Being present is where you power lies
Being present, means being full of your own energy and needs, it means being whole – a whole person, not just a shell of yourself. And as I mentioned yesterday, this presence, this wholeness is where you power lies.
The power to prioritise yourself. To say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ with confidence. To say what you mean and ask for what you want. Presence allows you to make the right choices for yourself.
Presence allows you to become more of yourself.
And the world is a richer more beautiful place when you, and all of the other 7.9 billion people we share the world with, can show up in their full ness.
Being you, free from judgement and expectation
Presence requires that you accept and even celebrate who you are, all that you are. Free from judgements and expectations.
It’s about accepting who you are, who you were and who you’re becoming.
And being able to stay present, centred and grounded in your truth every day is something that needs your conscious attention.
I’m sure you’ve encountered people that just have that something about them.
They walk into a room, and you’re drawn to them.
They might not be the most beautiful or attractive person, but something about them holds your attention.
Presence brings with it a magnetism that radiates from a person that is happy in their own skin. Confident in who they are.
It doesn’t mean they’re perfect, never fail or don’t occasionally doubt themselves. But they are grounded in themselves knowing their strengths and supporting themselves in all areas of their life.
Perhaps you’ve had a conversation with someone who is really present. It’s a beautiful thing. To know that person is completely present and really hears you. Rather than having a conversation with someone who is distracted, trying to talk over you, finish your sentences, or who has already moved on, and are just their physically.
It’s easy not to be present.
Being productive just means you have more to do
With more and more pressures on your time, energy and resources, growing to-do lists and the expectations of those around you.
The more productive you try and become, the better you try and manage your time, the more you seem to be expected to do.
Fretting about past actions, worrying about what the future holds, wondering how you can fit it all in without making the mistakes of the past, leaves us living in the past or leaning into the future. Neither of which gives us presence.
To be present requires that you are full of your own essence, thoughts, values, dreams and desire.
You need to be ‘full of yourself’
It’s about becoming ‘full of yourself’.
Here in the UK, saying that someone’s ‘full of themselves’ is usually a criticism.
I have a very different take on the matter. As far as I’m concerned:
YOU NEED TO BE FULL OF YOURSELF!
Now, when you read that sentence, you might find yourself reacting and judging me.
Of course you might.
Because, regardless of where you live now, you were probably encouraged to stay small from the time you were a young child. On top of this, depending on where you grew up, you might have been told:
- not to get too big for your boots (in the UK)
- not to act above your station (in Ireland)
- not to get too big for your britches (in the US)
- not to be the tall poppy (in Australia or New Zealand)
No doubt every country has some kind of similar saying that encourages people to play small – to be accommodating and selfless.
Not a shell of yourself
‘Selfless’ – I really hate that word! People say it as if it’s some kind of virtue… but really, why on earth would you celebrate not having a self?!
Surely, it’s the very act of being yourself – your whole self – that makes you the incredible person that you are? How can you be the fully self-expressed person you have the potential to be if you have no self to express?
We can often celebrate the people, often woman, who are ‘so selfless’. The ones that can be relied on to help out at the schools, ferrying the children around to friends, clubs or sports matches, baking cakes for the bake sale, looking after aging parents, checking in on the neighbours, always there when a friend needs them and working a full-time job.
Forgetting your own needs and desire
Yes, they are selfless, they’re in fact so self-less that they’ve forgotten they have their own needs, they have lost their boundaries and can no longer say ‘no’.
The person is celebrated for being self-less, when in fact they’re exhausted and disconnected from any desire they have for themselves, as they just try and make it through the day without losing their shit.
Now, being ‘full of yourself’ doesn’t mean becoming a horrible narcissist who never cares about anyone else. Nor does it mean that you think you’re the ONLY one who deserves to have their needs met. But it does mean that you become discerning about meeting your own needs, and about how you choose to use your time, energy and resources.
Being full of your own energy also means you get used to prioritising your own needs over the expectations and comfort of other people. Of course, sometimes you’ll compromise. Sometimes you will put others first, but when you do it, you’ll do it consciously. It will be your choice as an exception, rather than the default expectation.
Another reason to be ‘full of yourself’ is that if you’re not full of your own hopes and dreams, you leave empty space in your energetic body. And since nature abhors a vacuum… that space is where other people’s energetic judgements and expectations will slip in.
I’ve been a kinesiologist for the last 20+ years, and worked with thousands of women over that time. And I’ve noticed that women who try to be ‘selfless’ almost never believe in or trust themselves. How can they, when they’re trying so hard not to have a self to believe in or trust? With that loss of belief comes a disconnection from their dreams, desires and inner power.
This then muddies the waters of what they want for themselves. Their vision for their ideal life is blurred by everyone else’s energy and desires.
So, even if it doesn’t feel comfortable right now, you need to give yourself permission to become full of yourself. Give yourself permission to take up space with ALL of you: your thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires and physicality.
Of course, you probably won’t become ‘full of yourself’ overnight. But you might gradually start to notice the places where you aren’t full of your own hopes, dreams and desires – and that’s a powerful start.
Focus on your senses
To start to become full of yourself focus on your senses.
Your senses demand that you are in your body to experience them.
Right now, notice:
What you can see around you?
What can you hear?
What can you feel?
What can you smell?
What can you taste?
It steps you out of thinking about the past, or dreaming about the future and puts you right here, in your body in the present.
Do this regularly throughout the day, just as a mini check-in with yourself, a mini sacred pause in your day when you come back to your own centre, present and aware of your own fullness.
It’s like taking a huge sigh, it resets your system as you become present.
Your senses require you get present
There’s a reason when people are having panic attacks, one piece of advice is to name 5 things you can see, 3 things you can touch and two things you can hear. It brings you back into your body and into the present moment.
Here’s a morning routine for you to try – but in fact you can do it anytime throughout your day as it’s just about bringing conscious attention to your senses.
A sensory experience
In the morning when you wake up, before checking your phone, stretch your arms above your head and feel your body stretch and move.
Place your hands on your heart, close your eyes and take a deep breath in and exhale fully.
Notice the quality of your breath, how deep you can inhale and the sound and force of the exhale.
Then open your curtains and notice what you can see. Notice the colours or any changes that have occurred overnight. What’s the sky like, can you see any birds, animals or people?
Next open the windows and feel the air on your skin. Is it warm or cold? Perhaps it’s a crisp morning, or the sun is starting a warm glow on your skin, or perhaps the wind and rain are whipping around.
Next light some incense or do something that activates your sense of smell, and really enjoy the aroma of whatever you’re inhaling; coffee, perfume, essential oils.
Put on your favourite music or just sit quietly and notice what you can hear. Perhaps it’s something in your home, or something off in the distance.
Using your senses intentionally this way requires that you become present.
And just like any skill, the more we can practice becoming present the easier it becomes.
And as we’ve explored the more you can become present, the more you become aware of your own needs and what you want.
The more you become present you start to notice how the people, events, habits actually impact you.
You’ll start to notice what fills you up and what drains you.
You’ll recognise when you can do more and when you want to stop.
Being present puts you back in the driver seat of your life, instead of being at the mercy of being bombarded with the judgments, wants and expectations of those around you.
So just notice, how connected to your senses do you feel today?
Don’t forget to come and let us know what you’re focusing on over in our community.
And I’ll see you tomorrow for day-5 where I’ll walk you through a practice that will ground you in your energy and bring you back to your own centre – it’s particularly good if you find yourself impacted by the opinions and moods of those around you.