How to know if your dreams and desires are truly your own (Without getting lost in overthinking)

How to know if your dreams and desires are truly your own (Without getting lost in overthinking)

Are your dreams and desires your own?

In a world that loves to tell us what to do, how to behave and dictate what success looks like, it can be tricky to untangle our own dreams and desires from the expectations of those around us.

Whether it’s becoming a successful entrepreneur, travelling the world, or fully owning your power and magick, we all have something that we want to explore and move towards.

But have you ever stopped to wonder if the dreams you’re pursuing are truly your own, or if they’re influenced by the expectations of others?

If so, you’re not alone. Most of my clients, at one time or another, have doubted themselves and their dreams.

And many have realised that they’re not even pursuing what they wanted, they woke up one day and asked ‘How did I get here?’

They had become successful in the ‘wrong’ thing.


The energy doesn’t lie

You can only be enthusiastic for your own dreams and desires.

The word ‘enthusiasm’ comes from the Greek enthousiasmos, meaning “inspiration or possession by a god.” You can not be inspired by ‘a god’ with someone else’s version of a dream or a desire.

If you find yourself feeling that you can’t be bothered, or putting off pursuing a dream, you’re likely trying to force yourself to follow what you think you should be doing, rather than doing what your heart truly desires.


Reconnecting your your own dreams and desires in 3 steps

Here’s three ways to help you start to untangle from ‘should’s’ and expectations and gain clarity on whether your dreams are truly your own or if they’re based on the expectations of others.


1. Reflect on your motivations…and try not to have an existential crisis.

A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology in 2010 found that people who pursue their own authentic dreams and desires are more likely to experience positive emotions, life satisfaction, and meaning in life.

On the other hand, people who pursue things based on the expectations of others tend to experience more negative emotions and a lower sense of well-being (Sheldon & Kasser, 2010).

So, take a deep breath, and spend some time exploring your motivations behind your dreams and desires.

Are you pursuing them because you want to, or because you think it will please other people?

Listen to this podcast episode to dive deeper into what happened when I followed someone else’s ideas of what I should do, and how I found my way back.

2. Consider your values…but don’t (overly) rely on the fortune cookies.

In 2008, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that when people pursue activities that are aligned with their values, interests and desires they’re much more likely to experience a deeper sense of well-being and overall satisfaction on their life.

Having external guidance such as reading the tarot, knowing your astrology and personality profiles, or even asking a fortune cookie, can all give you valuable insight into who you are and what your gifts are, but remember this is just guidance, you get to decide what truly matters to you.


3. Pay attention to your emotions…even if it means ugly crying.

Studies have shown that people who pursue their own dreams and desires experience more positive emotions than those who pursue things based on external pressures or expectations.

Positive emotions aren’t inherently good or bad, but they are authentic to you. And when you can be authentic – even if it means ugly crying – you reinforce to yourself that your experience and needs matter.

We can give a lot of power to our emotions and and many have been demonised as bad or to be avoided, but emotions are just signposts telling you if you’re on track and aligned with what really matters to you or not.

If something you do generates a feeling you enjoy, the chances are you’re on track and aligned with your purpose.

But if it feels uncomfortable, ask yourself what is it about your situation or activity that doesn’t align with your values or what you want in life.

Paying attention to your emotions gives you great information in knowing if your dreams and desires are truly your own.

Following your own dreams and desires, that align with your values and interests, is crucial for well-being, satisfaction, and success.

Give yourself permission to unapologetically follow your dreams, and remember to have a little fun along the way. After all, whilst this is important work, life is too short to take everything too seriously.

And if you want some support connecting with your own dreams and desires and untangling from the judgements and ‘should’s’ of others, come and join us for: REJUVENATE YOUR ENERGY: It’s time to say ‘yes’ to your own dreams and desires. Learn more here

Why we stop expressing ourselves fully (and what we can do about it)

Why we stop expressing ourselves fully (and what we can do about it)

We’re all born knowing what we want and need

We’re born knowing how to express ourselves fully.

We cry, laugh and demand to have our needs met, and we do so without a hint of apology.

As we begin to get older we sing loudly, dance wildly and express ourselves fully with sheer delight and force of a young child.

And then…

And then… we begin to learn that when we modify our behaviour, tone down our biggest emotions and desires, we are ‘loved’ more.

It’s not really love, it’s positive attention (or at least not a negative ‘will you just be quiet/sit still/read your book for 5 minutes so I can have some peace”) – but your little heart doesn’t know the difference.

We learn that when we put the needs of other’s before ourselves we get praised (or at least avoid being told off).

We become the good girl, mummy’s little angel/helper.

We’re no longer scolded or told to be quiet.

We don’t have to witness the frustration in our parents or caregivers faces when we want to do one more passion filled song or routine for them.

We learn we’re too much

And just like that we learn that our unapologetic self and our wild edges are too much.

That the big emotions and bigger passion are not always welcomed, accepted or even appreciated.

We learn that we’re not good enough as we are and that if we want to be accepted we must sing a little less loudly, dance a little less wildly, and supress our own inner urges and desires if we want to ‘fit in’.

Slowly eroding our own power

This doesn’t happen over night, it’s a steady drip, drip, drip over time.

It happens so slowly that you might not even notice it.

That brave, passionate and unapologetic child becomes the adult with poor boundaries, the people pleaser, the over-giver or the over-achiever.

Until we become a shell of ourselves

The person who has lost connection with her own dreams and desires and moves through life a shell of her potential. Feeling overwhelmed, lost and frustrated and not even knowing why.

Here’s how to reclaim the power you’ve habitually given away

If you’d like to begin to reclaim that wild force of nature within you, check out The Summoning: The 7-Ways to Reclaim Your Power and Magick 


If you’d like to reclaim your power and magick you need the free resource The Summoning: 7 ways to summon your power and magick back into your everyday experience

How to Stop Giving Your Power Away

How to Stop Giving Your Power Away

16 How to stop giving your power away blog

“Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.”

— Stephen R. Covey


How do you view power?

Many of my clients want to ‘own their power’, and yet they have a distorted relationship with power itself.

When they think about their own power, they know it’s an important part of themselves. They also recognise that they’ve given it away, as they feel disempowered. Others feel that their power has been taken away from them, leaving them vulnerable and powerless.

These people want to feel ‘empowered’, but they don’t always know what empowerment would look like. All of their previous experiences with power have been situations where someone or something had dominance over them.

Those experiences involved a power ‘over’ something or someone else, rather than a power from within. And because they don’t want to be like the powerful people they’ve encountered before, my clients all-too-often shy away from empowering themselves.

It’s easy to understand their concerns.

We’re all surrounded by people and systems that misuse power. We see it in unhealthy relationships, corporations and systems of government that can all take advantage of people, and prioritise using their power to look after their own interests, regardless of the cost, emotionally, physically or financially, to others. No wonder we often view power with suspicion or see it as something negative. More than one person has told me that they’re afraid of ‘stepping into their power’ because they don’t want to hurt others.

Yet the only way we can become fully expressed is to reconcile our relationship with power – and in particular, with our own personal power.


What is personal power?

Personal power isn’t about money, status or influence over others.

Instead, it’s about your relationship with yourself – your own self-awareness and inner authority. It’s about being confident in who you are and what’s important to you.

Without this kind of relationship with your personal power, you’re more easily affected by the expectations and judgements of other people, and of your culture and your society.

By contrast, somebody who has a healthy relationship with their own personal power is generally:

  • confident in themselves and their choices
  • comfortable in their own body
  • emotionally intelligent
  • grounded and present to themselves and others
  • responsible for themselves and their actions
  • responsive rather than reactive


Notice what disempowers you

We’re energetic beings.

Everything is an exchange of energy, and this energy fuels our personal power.

Think about the language people use when they’re not feeling great:

  • “I’m drained”
  • “I’m overwhelmed”
  • “I’m exhausted”
  • “I’m running on empty”
  • “I’m burnt out”

It’s the language of energy and power.

When was the first time you remember feeling power leave your body?

Perhaps it was when you were embarrassed, felt shame, wanted to hide or made a mistake?

Perhaps it was a time when you betrayed yourself and what was important to you. Maybe you didn’t speak up, or you did something that was expected of you when you didn’t want to do it.

Maybe you feel it every time you people-please or prioritise other people’s comfort over your own truth.

Regardless, it makes sense that when power leaves your body, you feel dis-empowered.

For example, someone might casually comment, “I don’t like that top on you.” If this bothers you, it will drain your power.

And if you start noticing where you’re losing your power, you’ll actually feel it leaving your body.

To stop that loss of power, you need to begin to confront the issues that drain you.

This is your journey to empowerment.


Sometimes, power drains hide in unexpected places

Now don’t get me wrong – not every ‘drain’ is due to a loss of personal power. Sometimes you might just be ‘drained’ because you need a good night’s sleep.

But before you assume there’s no connection with power, ask yourself why you need a good night’s sleep.

What’s keeping you up at night?

If you just had a one-off bad night, perhaps there’s nothing to pay extra attention to.

But if it’s a regular occurrence, then something’s out of balance for you.

Maybe you’re regularly going to bed too late. Maybe a frustrating or worrying situation in your life keeps you tossing and turning. Perhaps you’re getting up early because a ‘productivity guru’ tells you it’s better, when your body’s authentic truth is that you’re a night owl.

It can be difficult to identify – let alone release – habits, beliefs and even people that drain your energy, leaving you dis-empowered. Some of these patterns can be deeply woven into your identity, and your personal, family and cultural stories.

So the first step is to notice what, or who, leaves you feeling drained. What is it about the pattern or interaction that dis-empowers you?


Taking back your power

Once you’ve identified what’s draining your power, the next question is what you can do to prevent yourself feeling this way. Here are a few options to consider:

  • Start by listening to any intuitive nudges you receive and then acting on them. No more ignoring them, or ‘pretending’ you’re not sure what they mean.
  • Give yourself permission to do more of the things that make you feel like you – and then DO them. That may mean less people-pleasing and doing things out of obligation or expectation.
  • Get to learn what you do and don’t like. We can be so conditioned to be a particular way that we can lose touch with what makes us feel like ourselves. Experiment, try new things, revisit things you loved as a child. Be curious as to what makes you feel more like you again.
  • Begin to question yourself every time you realise you’ve said something mean to yourself by simply asking, “Is that true?” Chances are that it’s not. Maybe you’re just tired, hungry or feeling emotional. If so, address the real issue, and change your self-talk to be more supportive.
  • Set boundaries and enforce them, especially with yourself. In particular, use boundaries to break unsupportive, impulsive habits that may make you feel better in the moment, but that your future self won’t thank you for.
  • Don’t get caught in the trap of trying to prove yourself or prove other people wrong. We can often do this when we feel vulnerable or misunderstood and it’s rooted in a lack of self-worth. Instead, become more accepting of yourself and your choices, so that you begin to trust your experience and become more confident in yourself.
  • Don’t look to others to validate you. Instead, know that you’re enough and your choices are yours to make.
  • By the same token, take responsibility for yourself and your own emotions. Let other people take responsibility for theirs, remembering that you don’t need to ‘fix’ them or make anything better for them.
  • Support other people – start by giving genuine compliments. Having enough personal power of your own to empower other people is a great thing. It increases your sense of self-esteem and empowers other people too.

All of these seemingly small actions may feel uncomfortable at first, but they’ll make it less easy for your own behaviours – not to mention other people, events or circumstances – to drain you.

You’ll start to feel more confident. You’ll also notice when your energy and power begin to leave your body, so you can take action to prevent it.

16 How to stop giving your power away pinterest
Stop hiding and pretending: It’s time to find your purpose in life

Stop hiding and pretending: It’s time to find your purpose in life

Growing up in a sleepy fishing village on the south coast of Cornwall, I found myself reading ‘Teach Yourself Yoga’ books, whilst my friends around me were reading the latest teen magazines.


I’ve no idea what drew me to yoga, but something woke inside of me, and I found myself on a quest.


I didn’t have the language for this quest I embarked on, but it ignited within an insatiable desire for knowledge.


I found myself seeking.


Asking questions about life, and my purpose in life.


I’d heard the term ‘soul purpose’, and it resonated within me.



I wanted to know my soul purpose.


I created this idea that once I knew what my soul purpose was, everything in my life would make sense, and everything would fall into place.


I didn’t know what that ‘place’ was, or looked like, but I knew I’d arrive there once I knew my soul purpose.


I searched for books (these were the days before Amazon!).


I read the books.


I attended classes.


Took more personality profiles than I can remember.


And still I kept searching for more.


I was searching for meaning, and that meaning for me looked like a quest to find my soul purpose – whatever that actually was…


For years, well more like decades, I read, attended courses, had healings, trained in modalities.


And carried on seeking for my elusive soul purpose.


What was my purpose in life?


What was I here to do and contribute?


I kept seeking.


Each time I learnt something new, uncovered a bit more about my personality profile, astrological chart, Human Design… I thought ‘Yes, this is it! This is who I am and what I’m meant to do.’


It felt great!


Until it didn’t.


What felt great initially, started to wear off.


It wasn’t quite right.


Something was ‘missing’, so off I’d go again in search of the next thing, in search of that one  ‘missing’ part.


Now of course, all of these things were valuable to me.


Fascinating in their own right.


And each piece useful in learning more about myself.


But it wasn’t filling the hole I was trying to fill with my seeking.


Then one day, BOOM!


It hit me.


I’m not sure what or why, but I had the realisation that my seeking wasn’t me following the ‘spiritual’ path.


It wasn’t me being virtuous on a quest to know myself fully.


It was me avoiding living my life fully.


I’d been seeking for my soul purpose as if it was a job title.


But in fact, what I’d been searching for was permission to be me.


Each book I’d read, training I’d attended, or reading that I’d had done, I wanted it to confirm what I wanted. I wanted it to validate who I was, I wanted to know I was ‘right’ in my interests, dreams, and desires.


I’d been looking for external validation of who I was and what I wanted to do, as I’d been too afraid to give that same permission to myself.


If it was ‘written in the stars’, well it couldn’t be my ‘fault’, it was just destined to be that way.


If it was in my birth chart, my personality profile, or Human Design, how could I be ‘blamed’ for following a particular path?


When we grow up, we often find ourselves trying to fit in.


We subconsciously find ourselves asking ‘Who do I need to be to fit in or to be loved’ within this family/situation/group of people?’


And because I wasn’t directly asking other people, I didn’t realise I’d still fallen into this pattern.


I wasn’t asking people, but I was still looking outside of myself.


A couple of times people would say to me ‘all the answers are within’, and I’d roll my eyes, smile politely, and go seeking elsewhere.


Annoyingly, it was true.


All of those years of seeking, and the answers had been within.


Deep down, I did know who I was and what my life purpose was, but it had been buried under more than enough life events to keep it from being seen clearly by me.


Then that one day, I realised that I’d been hiding the truth from myself.


I’d been pretending I didn’t know the answers to the questions I’d been seeking.


Because if I did know.


Because if I stopped pretending.


Then I’d have to make changes.


I’d have to do what I knew to be true and stop doing what other people expected of me.


I’d have to disappoint other people and prioritise myself.


I’d have to let other people down, so I could focus on me.


I’d have to say ‘No’ to others, so I could say ‘Yes’ to me.


Now being British I’m all too familiar with ‘Being too big for your boots’, and the feeling of ‘Who does she think she is to put herself first?’.


Unfortunately, it’s not unique to us here in the UK.


In Australia they have ‘tall poppy syndrome, and in the USA I believe the term is ‘being too big for your britches’. And no doubt there are similar phrases all over the world.


The result being that when you realise that you do know what you want or need to do, it is way easier to pretend that you don’t.


At least on the surface, and in the short-term, it feels easier.


But actually, to betray yourself, your needs, and desires, is in fact the harder option in the end…


You have to give yourself permission to disappoint others, to let them down, to say no to their ideas and dreams for you, so that you can:


  • Say ‘Yes’ to your own dreams and desires.
  • Say ‘Yes’ to knowing who you are and what you want from life.
  • Say ‘Yes’ to loving yourself first.
  • Say ‘Yes’ to living a life that you love.


Because when you don’t, when you hide, and pretend that you don’t know who you are and what you want from life, that leads to disappointment, disloyalty, heartache, anger and resentment from yourself, directed towards yourself.


You learn not to trust yourself.


You dismiss your feelings, insights, and dreams.


You become a shell of who you are here to be.


And that’s no fun for anyone!


PS. You might wonder what my big realisation was….


I simply realised that my soul purpose in life, was the same as yours, the same as I believe everyone’s is…


And that’s to be more of ourselves.


I’d spent all those years looking for someone else to tell me who I was, what my purpose in life was. When all the time it had simply been looking for permission to be more of myself.


I’d been seeking permission to be me.


No finished article, no job title, no destination. Just the beautifully messy, perfectly imperfect, unfolding, unravelling, unfurling process of being more me.

Ending the Year with GRACE

Ending the Year with GRACE

This is the perfect time to celebrate all that you’ve done, achieved and become

Recently I’ve been holding quite a few ‘rites of passages’ ceremonies for people. Some for people who are starting new ventures, some for people that are completing a process, some for people who are transitioning to the next phase of their life, and one for someone who has entered this life and another who transitioned from this life.

Marking the ending of one thing and the beginning of the next is a powerful process.

Often we can be so busy doing, doing, doing, that we can find ourselves focusing on what we haven’t yet done, rather than celebrating what we have done.

We can spot our perceived shortcomings at 100-paces, and yet forget to revel in all that we have done and achieved.

So as we get to the end of this year I want to invite you to a Closing Ceremony for 2019.

A space where you can celebrate all that you have done and achieved, and set powerful intentions to embrace the year head (and I have to say, it already feels like it’s going to be a powerful one – have you been feeling that too?)

This feels particularly potent, not just as we draw to the end of the year, but also the decade.

28th December 2019


Join us as you give yourself the chance to reset your energy and end the year with GRACE.

We’ll hold Sacred ceremony as we review 2019 and set our intentions and plan for an amazing 2020.

And if you haven’t found your Word of The Year for 2020, you’ll have that by the end of the call – and if you don’t know what that it, you’re in for a treat!

At the beginning of 2019 I set my intention and my Word of the Year to be ‘Deepening’.

The great thing about the Word of The Year is that​ it takes you on a journey that you never quite expect, but it’s always perfect!

This year was no exception.

What I didn’t expect was that I was going to ‘deepen’ into my business. And as 2019 draws to a close, my business has gone through a massive alignment in how it’s delivered.

I’ve completely redone my website and branding and have changed how I deliver my content.

After Facebook randomly banned me for a week so I could no longer access my communities, it made reassess what was really important to me in my business, and it was connection and community.

I wanted to create a community free from the drama and distraction of Facebook, a place where people could really focus on themselves and uplevelling their lives and living with intention.

I wanted to create somewhere where people could come and rest, be nourished and connect with much less distraction.

So I recently started to move my community over to Patreon – If you’re not familiar with Patreon, it’s a membership platform really designed for creatives – hands up that me lol. Although it’s a membership community, you don’t actually have pay anything to join, you choose your own level of access.

And it’s through Patreon that I will be hosting the above ceremony – it’s absolutely free to attend.

I know in the past I have set good intentions to review my year, but then just never got around to it, so if you’d like to review your year with like-minded community, I’d love to welcome you to join us.

Like I said, it’s free to attend, just pop on over to Patreon and follow along for the details!

I hope to see you there!

Hubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble – A metaphor for life

Hubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble – A metaphor for life

Hi my name’s Rebecca and I love cauldrons.

Seriously, I really do love cauldrons (almost as much as I love trees!), and have lots (and lots, and lots…) of them, is there such a thing as too many cauldrons?

I have cast iron ones I use for rituals and ceremony, one’s that I burn incense in, some that hold candles, others that are purely decorative, and some that I use to store herbs, crystals, twigs and stones in.

I love how they’re the perfect blend of practical, magical, and transformational, as well as being the ultimate metaphor for life.



First and foremost they’re a saucepan.

They’re designed to cook and create food that nourishes and nurtures you.

And when they’re not simmering with a hearty soup or stew, they’re perfect for storing things in.



They’ve long been associated with magic, creating potions, setting intentions and releasing old patterns.

Cauldrons appear in many Celtic myths along side Goddesses such as Cerridwen and Brigid, and can a fairy tale witch who doesn’t have a cauldron, even call herself ‘Witch’?



A cauldron is just a vessel. Empty and containing nothing but potential. But just as if you were making a soup, it’s a space for blending ingredients together, to make something richer and more flavourful than the individual ingredients by themselves.


And a Metaphor for Life:

Life is practical.

We live in the world in our physical body, and there are certain things we need to do in order to survive. We can’t escape them, we just need to do them… They’re not always exciting or overly sexy, but if we want to continue to live, we just need to get on and do them, such as breathing, nourishing ourselves, taking care of our health and resting.

It’s also magical.

Life is filled with awe and wonder and things that just feel… well… magical. Whether it’s watching a breathtaking sunrise with the birds serenading you with their dawn chorus, the tender touch of your lover as you fall in love for the first time, or having a tiny baby gaze at you as they hold on to your finger.

Some things in life are so magical they can’t be explained, they have to be experienced to be understood.

And life is most definitely transformational.

We live a life that is full of potential. Our choices, experiences and circumstances forge us into the people we are and the people that we’re becoming. Nothing stays the same… ever. And the more we can embrace the transformation the richer our experience of life becomes.


And the REAL MAGIC happens when you can embrace the entire cauldron of life!

When you can show up fully.

When you can bring your whole self to your experience of life – the ‘good’, the ‘bad’ and the ‘ugly’, and not just the ‘pretty and socially acceptable parts, you get to create a richer, heartier and more flavourful experience of life.

When you blend the mundane with the magical, when you get to own all of yourself, your quirks and your own unique blend of magic. You get to experience amazing transformation in all areas of your life as you begin to embody your own true, and very unique, essence.


To begin to connect with your essence, become curious about these questions:

What is your unique magic; how do you see the world differently from those around you?

What part of yourself are you ready to embrace more of?

And finally, what are you slightly obsessed with, or of course fully obsessed with 😉 , or is it just me with the obsessions?

Take these answers and add them to your own ‘cauldron of being’, and watch your life become more magical!

And if you’re ready to remember and embrace more of your own essence, simply START HERE